Friday 21 December 2012

The Smudger Chronicles continue

I always like to get something out on a Friday afternoon for those of you cooped up in offices awaiting when your numpty boss finally let's you go home at 5.

My new collaborator, The Loins of the Club, has been busy ploughing through more historical Ashes yarns so we can be regaled with some mirthsome miscellany. He's still on the chapter about the Big Ship era and sends me this. He also remembered to sign off properly this time without the need for me to add anything!!!

More about the Big Ship......
He captained Aus in 10 tests v England - won 8 drew 2 with one of the draws (at Manchester) an almost complete wash out.
On the voyage over, to keep to his fighting weight of 22 stone, he joined the crew in the engine room shovelling coal.
In one match, he caused a 'confabulation' when he thought Hobbs should have been given out and wasn't. Hobbs was out two balls later. Typically Surrey.
In another match, when Wooley was making his debut, he made the batsman wait for 15mins before bowling a ball. In those days, the bowler was allowed to warm up whenever he liked, so he went a few strips down and practiced bowling some balls. When they went to the fine leg boundary, the Aus fielders were in no hurry to retrieve and return the ball. Wooley made 8.
He was a good enough cricketer to do the 1000run - 100 wkt double on all 3 of his tours to England. In one, he made 2,000 runs & took 100wkts. The only tourist ever to have done so.
He was athletic enough to take 44 catches in tests, usually at mid off.
He wasn't a fan of the draw, believing that all tests should be played to a finish. In the drawn match at the Oval, he took himself out to the outfield and picked up a newspaper that had blown on to the field and started reading it. He said "wanted to know who we were playing".
When the England captain - the hon. Mr. A. Tennyson - declared, he stayed out on the pitch. The rules of the series stated that after rain, the batting side could not declare within 1hr 30 of the close. The hon. Tennyson was unaware of that, so everyone had to come out again. In doing so, he embarrassed the English establishment who were shocked that an uncouth, semi (state at that) educated colonial should know the rules better than their own chaps. The umpires further compounded the embarrassment by allowing him to resume bowling on restart. This meant he bowled two overs in a row.
On retiring he regularly wrote for the press, saying that Larwood and O'Reilly couldn't bowl and Bradman couldn't bat. Grrrrrrrrrrrrr

Bring back the draw and the back foot no ball.

If I don't see you before, have a Merry pinning a Jewish carpenter to a tree time and a Happy New hurtling 586, 920,000 miles or so around the sun.

Tuesday 18 December 2012

More Smudger Flashbacks

Smujinder has remembered another tasty little nugget from the depths of his cricket viewing memory. Once more I shall let the great sage's words do the so called talking!!!

This time from 1920  on ‘strilian captain –  22 stone tug of war champion Warwick 'big ship' Armstrong - who “permitted neither pulled muscles nor psychological upsets”. Sound attitude. Unfortunately, the book does not state his views on warm ups, but I think we can guess.

It occurs to me Mr Armstrong's nickname is only one letter away from the one we don't say to Coco's face.

Incidentally, despite appearances to the contrary, Mr Smudgergee is not c130 years old, he has simply been reading an off-beat book on the History of the Ashes (not the one pictured I don't think).

Saturday 8 December 2012

Smudger's Test Match Recollections

Lady like lobs?!?!?
In his late teen's our venerable erstwhile 2's skipper Mr Smujinder Smudgergee attended his first ever Test Match. He feels it bears some relevance to my recent grumbly post about skippers who seem unable to try something different.

His account shall do it more justice than anything I could attempt.

Looking at your contribution on the web, I'm surprised no one has repeated what the bow tied Lord Harris (England skipper) did in 1884 at Lords when playing Australia. This was the first time, a team passed 500 (Aus) in tests. It also saw the first individual double ton (Murdoch).

Anyway, as the score passed 500, the bow tied one got so fed up with the England wicket keeper - the Hon. Alfred Lyttleton - criticising the bowling that he put him on to bowl. Dr. WG went behind the stumps and bowling with his pads still on, the Hon. Alfred bowled a "succession of lady like lobs", taking 4 for 19.

What's more, as the Hon. Alfred never bowled in tests again, at 4.75 he has the best bowling average of either side in the history of the Ashes. Eat your heart out Warnie, Larwood etc.


Reminds me of the two seasons in a row my figures were 1-1. For a captain to get a bowler like me to have figures like that CONSISTENTLY, must have been one heck of a (cynically and selfishly opportunistic) skipper!!!!!!!

Smudger's Cricket Teaser - Answer

Not a Friday
The Loins of the Club writes:

The Aus player who wasn't selected because he wouldn't eat fish on a Friday was Alan Kippax, although I misled you with the dates. It was when he was young in 1926. He averaged 50+ for NSW but only in the 30's in tests - all v England and all on uncovered wickets. No easy runs v Bangladesh in those days.

Smudge forgot to type "bring back the draw" at the end of his email so I've been kind enough to add it.


Tuesday 4 December 2012

Up for the Cups 2013

The draws for a number of the cup competitions are now out -

  • Murgitroyd Masterton - Home vs Fauldhouse, winners away vs Heriots or Marchmont.
  • Presidents Trophy - Home vs Livingston, winners home vs Carlton 2.
  • Parks Trophy - Home vs Bass Rock, winners home vs Murrayfield-DAFS.
  • Activcity Trophy - Home vs Westquarter, winners home vs Livingston or Leith.
  • Presidents Plate - Away vs Teuchters, winners home vs City of Edinburgh Council.

Monday 3 December 2012

Smudger's Cricket Teasers (no. 1 of a continuing series)



Q1. In the 30's, an Australian batsman was dropped because of his refusal to eat fish on a Friday.
Name him.

Friday 23 November 2012

One spinner or two???

Meet England's new coach???
So, hands up anyone who would pick just one spin bowler in a Test Match in India? Anyone?? Don't worry, if you're stupid enough to think it's a good idea you could either be coach or captain of the England test side. Mind you, although Cooky and Flowery (has to be his nickname) thought it was the way to go, the 9 wicket defeat or 330 run deficit after the first innings in the 1st Test might have yielded a small clue.

Although I can't find the exact quote (hold on to your hats, I'm not a proper journalist), Sky's coverage told me earlier that none other than Shane Warney commented upon the 1st Test that if England weren't going to pick Panesar for that Test Match, when were they ever going to pick him? Too true.

Now I may be out of order, maybe Cooky or Flowery might know more about spin bowling than Warney. But Liz Hurley probably knows you need more than one spinner in India. It should be a sackable offence to not know this. It's akin to Levein playing without a striker in Prague (even Liz knows you always need two big strikers up front).

So onwards to the 2nd Test where Broady is a fitness doubt and every other English seamer bar Anderson is lame. And what amazing tactical innovation do England come up with? Well they go crazymadferrit and pick Monty AND Swanny. The audacity! The sheer ostentation!! Hallelujah!!!

But hold the fireworks, what are these sneaky Indian's up to. OMG they've gone for three (THREE) whole spinners in just one team. Wackier still, one of them will have to open the bowling. OMGx2. Just fancy that? Is this allowed says an old duffer choking on his Pimm's in the Long Room. Meanwhile, back at Castle Frazerio, I despair.

I'll make my view crystal clear. The four best spin bowlers in England right now should be in that Test XI. There is no sane argument against this. Not sure about that I hear you insanely say. OK. Chew on these series aggregates for the England bowlers in India so far:

(Overs/Maidens/Runs/Wickets)
Seamers   96   14   354    2   (r/r - 3.69, s/r 1 wkt every 288 balls)
Spinners  154  25   421   12  (r/r - 2.73, s/r 1 wkt every 77 balls)

If they played four spinners and they performed to those averages (those spin stats include part timers Patel & Pietersen too) and then someone said 'bring back Broad, Bresnan and Anderson in place of these keepin-it-tight-wicket-takers, you'd be locked up. And yet, that's where we seem to be.

I showed these numbers to a fish and even it laughed. Flowery & Cooky think a half fit and visibly floundering Stuart Broady (series figures so far 36-2-157-0) is the correct choice. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!

Why was only one spinner picked for the 1st Test? Why have only two been picked for the 2nd Test? Why are seamers getting picked at all?

For me the answer arrived not long after stumps in Mumbai when the highlights of Austrai'a v Safrica were broadcast. Safrica had finished 2-217. The first wicket was a run out. Aussie skipper Clarke used 8 bowlers in the day with 7th bowler Warner (David) taking the only other scalp. Yes, the Aussies couldn't take a wicket so their skipper went through every man and his dog to try and buy a wicket and lo and behold found one with his 6th change bowler.

Sky anchor, Ian Ward (5 Test matches for the Motherland) snidely commented on the in form Clarke 'inventive captaincy, or just running out of ideas'. I splurted my porridge down my jammies at that.

Mr Ward, let me say that Clarke's captaincy is the epitome of the exact opposite of running out of ideas. If you want to talk about running out of ideas, or better still, not having a clue, look at the English team selection and go no further.

Incidentally, Clarke once took 6-9 in a Test in India. England's seamers can't take 6-900.

If you can't take a wicket, try another bowler. If you are playing in India, only pick spinners. Stop thinking like it's 1951. England need to be able to think out of the box, or if they're incapable, listen to the likes of Shane Warne, if I can hear him, surely Flowery & Cooky can too.

Rant over.

Addendum (25/11/2012)

At the end of the highlights on Day 4 with Australia all over South Africa (77-4 from 50 overs in their 2nd innings), Ian Ward, seemingly having read my post, exclaims "Michael Clarke yet again thinking outside the box"!!!

Monday 19 November 2012

ESCA AGM News

The ESCA agm was held last Tuesday night. Here are the highlights -

  • The number of overs per side has been reduced in a number of divisions, although not in the ones we're playing in (see below). The new limits are: Divisions 1-2 50, Divisions 3-5 45, Divisions 6-9 40. A more radical proposal from Grange to play 40 over games everywhere except Division 1 was rejected.
  • Fauldhouse have resigned from the National League and will rejoin the East League in Division 2. Melrose will join the East League in Division 7, so all the old Border League clubs are now in the ESCA fold. Saturday cricket returns to Kircaldy after a gap of several seasons as Dunnikier will take Kismet's place in Division 2 after a number of Kismet players moved to Dunnikier. Dunfermline and Dunfermline Wanderers are merging and will put out two XIs next season. Three clubs have successfuly applied for additional XIs: Glenrothes 3rds, Tranent 2nds and Watsonians 4ths.
  • A number of Edinburgh pitches are likely to be out of commission this summer, including the grass wickets at Roseburn and Inverleith and possibly one of the Meadows pitches. Arrangements for a number of new artificial wickets are being finalised and these may be in place in time for the coming season.
  • Bruce Dixon has completed his highly successful three year term as President. We would like to thamk him for his significant contribution to cricket in the East. The new President is our own PVB. Congratulations!

2013 Divisions

Here are the provisional divisional line-ups for the 2013 season -

Division 1 - Carlton 2, Dunfermline, Eastern Regional Academy, Edinburgh, Edinburgh Accies, Grange 2, Holy Cross, Murrayfield-DAFS, Musselburgh, St Boswells, Watsonian 2.

Division 5 - Boroughmuir 2, Dunfermline Carnegie, Edinburgh Accies 2, Edinburgh South 2, Holy Cross 2, Livingston 2, Musselburgh 2, Peebles, Preston Village, Selkirk.

Division 9 - Edinburgh South 3, Edinburgh South 4, Glenrothes 3, Holy Cross 3, Largo 4, Morton 3, Preston Village 2, SMRH 4, Tranent 2, Watsonian 4.

Lots of travelling for the 2s ......

Friday 16 November 2012

Democratic Deficit




Crossers will be shocked to learn of Keith Flannigan's election to the post of President of Watsonians CC. Not that this fine gent has been deemed worthy of such high office but by the notion that cricket club Presidents are elected...

Friday 9 November 2012

Dummies

What a Dummy!!!
My attention was drawn to the current Australia v South Africa face off by our good Lord Admin this afternoon.

After a days play, the highly paid loonies who should know better instigated one of those fashionable warm downs. The result? Poor JP Duminy faces up to six months out with a ruptured achilles.

News Report

This writer has made his views on the dangers of pre & post exercise exercise quite clear on various occasions, however I am saddened again and again that the world just does not seem to listen to me.

Bravely I have put my own body on the line to prove this proof. I've been using myself as a one man test case for nearly a quarter of a century now by diligently defying coaches and should-know-betters who have insisted on either knackering you before you've even started or making you jump through hoops after a tough 80 or 90 minutes in a sleet filled swamp.

Ice Baths - actually intended for chillin the beers luv
The obvious elixir in either of these situations (warm-up or warm-down), which the science books snootily overlook is a swift half pint prior to taking the field or a swift full pint immediately after. The logic is flawless;

Warm-up Madness

Taking the field fully sober and half knackered (after a standard warm-up) does not rest the mind. Indeed, the pressure of the situation is heightened, the body tenses up and the brain cannot relax and focus on either battering the ball or hurting the batsman. This is of course if you've managed to survive the warm-up unscathed and haven't cost your nation the Ashes before someone can scream 'watch you don't step on that cricket ball Glenn ya big Galah'!!! (Relive the agony/delight here)

Warm-down Madness

Once a game is finished, in this half-Arctic country, the conditions will not be the best of the day, the pitch will likely bear some scars from the recent battle, all players will be physically spent and the chances of something even quite mundane going wrong are seriously increased. The only thing to be gained with warm-down's is usually your Hypothermia increasing from moderate to severe. And yet, the know-all's still persist with this craziness.

Warm-up Alternative

Taking the field with a swift half down the gullet is just enough to settle the psyche and lubricate the muscles and joints (?). One's demeanour is lightened and in the unlikely event you are struck by the ball, the pain is lessened. If you are still somehow unconvinced, tell me, who was sober during WWII, Adolf or Winston??? The results of Hitler's sobriety all too apparent.

Warm-down Alternative

After the match, if a player makes his way to the dressing room, thoroughly decent hosts usually have the jugs of lager already sitting (more of an egg-chasing custom), usually, quite aptly, on the treatment table. There are few moments that the tipple of your choice tastes any better or provides more instant refreshment and benefit than at this time.

How many more Duminy's must there be before this madness ends???



Tuesday 23 October 2012

Holy Cross dressers wanted for Halloween Rugby Ball

Attention all Crossers!  A word from our colleagues at the Rugby Club:
 
"Ok so it's that time of year that ghosts and ghouls come out to play, the lost souls return and we at Inverleith would like to welcome back our house band Not Dead Yet to play!

They play a wide range of covers, with lots of modern and classic soul and pop, funk, rock and more music to dance to and sing along!

Being it's Halloween week and with the effort some went to for costumes for the last time, we'll have a Monster Ball theme, so grab your old bedsheets, think of your favourite Monster or horror char...

acter and there's a prize for best dressed!!

Cover charge is a mere £5, for what's bound to be a cracking nite as always! It's been a while since Not Dead Yet played so let's give them a great Inverleith welcome home!

The 1st XV have Broughton (Broonster's team!!) at home that day, so come one come all, support the club and have a some fun too ;)"

What: Halloween Monster Ball
When: October 27th - 8pm
How much: £5
Fancy Dress: Optional - but prize for best dressed!!!
Who: you and whatever souls you can persuade to come along for a great nite :)

Saturday 20 October 2012

A wee trip down memory lane.....

Whilst searching through some photos for a recent event, I stumbled across a glorious technicolor snap of Holy Cross legend, Keith Geddes.


The date of the picture isn't too clear however possibly circa 1998 judging by the other characters round the table and the quality of Keith's tash.....

Thursday 4 October 2012

Arboretum plans set for Council Committee

Today's Edinburgh Evening News carried a story about Fortress Arbo entitled "Changed days for playing fields with pavilion plans".  Not the snappiest of headlines, but hey.... http://www.scotsman.com/edinburgh-evening-news/latest-news/changed-days-for-playing-fields-with-pavilion-plans-1-2562767


As reported on this blog back in July, http://holycrosscricket.blogspot.co.uk/2012/07/future-of-arboretum-discussed-at.html , Inverleith Cllr Lesley Hinds requested a report to be drawn up and put before the Council to discuss the future of Arbo.



Holy Cross Cricket Club are currently playing an integral part within the initial working party looking at the proposals and have, along with our Arbo cousins Inverleith Rugby, the Council and Stew Mel, been exploring the potential solutions that the report hopes to offer all stakeholders.

The meetings have been extremely constructive and both the Cricket and Rugby Club representatives have been enthused by the discussions held and progress made so far.

We await the outcome of next Tuesday's (9th Oct) Education, Children and Families Committee meeting where the Report will be discussed with the recommendation that the Council explore, with Stewart's Melville College, a partnership which would deliver improved sports facilities at Arbo.  The paper for the meeting can be found here:

http://www.edinburgh.gov.uk/meetings/meeting/2804/education_children_and_families_committee

Should the Committee, under Convenor Cllr Paul Godzik, decide to press ahead with the recommendations, the proposals would then go for final approval to the Finance Committee in November.

The old Pavillion (RIP) is a danger and the portacabins, at £10k a year, are a shambles.  We await the outcome of these meetings and will keep an open mind re ways to work with any partners willing to improve the facilities in order to encourage participation in sport at Arboretum.






The Club will be meeting officials in the very near future for further positive discussions. 

More news will be posted on the blog when it becomes available. 

Tuesday 2 October 2012

The tweet smell of success for our man in Sri Lanka

Social media can be an odd place at times.  It can bring out the worst in some, the stupidity in others however it can also give you that warm glowing feeling you get when you see a fluffy kitten picture on your timeline.

However, over the last 24 hours, Twitter has reunited a Crosser in Sri Lanka with some of his belongings.

Alex Candlish tweeted on the 27th September that he was "Off to Sri Lanka, on the recruitment drive for @HXCricket , hopefully can find some players who can tear up div 9 next season!"

What he did find was that by the powers of Twitter, he would be reunited with his wallet after dropping it whilst at the Sri Lanka v England Super Eight T20 World Cup clash at Pallekele.

Daily Mirror Cricket Correspondent Dean Wilson ( @CricketMirror ) tweeted "Does anyone know an Alexander Candlish who is at the game in Pallekele tonight? He has lost property and officials are keen to give it back"

He even asked legend Jonathan 'Aggers' Agnew to retweet his message to see "if twitter can do some good for a lad in the crowd here"

After some painstaking phone calls, facebook messages and tweets by Wilson, fellow Crosser Brian Fraser and the Club itself, we are delighted to note that Alex is set to be reunited with his wallet later this week!


Alex Candlish @alcando87
@CricketMirror Hi Dean! Thanks again for putting the word out about my lost property! True gent! See you on Thursday! @HXCricket 

Howzat!

Monday 1 October 2012

Vikram Spotted In Aberdeen???


Aberdeen Council appear to have set up some idiot traps!!!

Is anyone willing to admit to this???




I suspect it might have been Vik visiting ex-Crosser Nipun???


The truth must out!!!


BBC Article

YouTube


Monday 24 September 2012

2nd XI - The Captaincy Question

Considering it
New Odds Added (at the end)

Other clubs might call it disarray, for us it's just another close season.

With the 1st XI skipper renouncing his role at the end of the season (his temperature was up (no really), we're waiting til it comes down a bit before asking him again), speculation is rife that there will also be a vacancy at the top of the 2's.

As shall soon be customary, I've therefore decided to offer a guide for all interested parties on the movers and shakers no doubt gearing up to throw their Baggy Green into the ring.


The Loins of Peffermill
El Presidente (above) - 1-2
It's his club and he runs it with a fist of bone china. So if he wants to be captain, no doubt he will be. While he once shot at reporters in his Napoli days, nowadays his various enemies keep taking him out for weeks on end with sniper shots from range. But availability is no barrier to assuming office, indeed, not showing up increases your chances of election twofold. And with a Maradona Jr looking for a nice inheritance in the not too distant future, promising to get the 2's back into Div 4 might rally supporters behind him.


Smujinder Smudgerjee - Evens
With Smith's recently deserting the club in droves it might be possible to railroad the loins of Peffermill into another season at the helm of our middle team. In fact if he was to be skipper, he might end up captaining less games than he ends up doing when he's not skipper. Prudent Crossers may wish to hold him in reserve for whenever whoever is appointed as captain goes awol after a couple of pre-season nets.
Brian gives it the Blue Steel


Beef Raiser - Evens
No, he's not a cattle botherer, but some mad rumours seem to be suggesting that 2012's Most Improved Player could form a so-called 'dream ticket' with the veteran Smujinder Smudgerjee. That this statement alone might induce bruising on the erstwhile 2's opener might throw his fledgling candidacy into doubt, but if Titt Robme is in with a serious chance of entering the White House, why not an Evans/Houlier type arrangement at Arbo.


The Zigster on a weeknight
Cydzk 'Zggy' Nzlm - 3-1
The man who was from Poland before it became fashionable is attracted to the 2's captaincy like a fly is to shhhhhhhhhhhhould he be able to stay away from the internet where heartfelt plea-rants became his trademark, there wouldn't be too many people would complain (one would for sure, but that fight will be on the undercard of the match-up I mention later).


Biswas mk II
Vikrambrose Gawarawalapindi Express - 5-1
This is not a popularity contest or Vik would be a shoo-in along with A Graham for all offices requiring a Hawaiian shirt. Was recently declared fit again after an April-August injury kept him on the sidelines massaging a massive lump on his groin. Could set Division 5, 4, 3 & 2 alight if given the chance.


Bimbo recently
Papa Bimboridge - 8-1
With his Arbo career in freefall, a fact he cannot deny, the 2's are a realistic prospect for the 2011 arm wrestling champion. A wee stint as captain might soften the blow and even inspire the next generation of youngsters (under 35's) as he recruits them to play from his work. Headlines such as 'Bimbo's Babes' or 'Rob's Hearthrobs' might not be far away as the 2's get turned into the best looking side in Edinburgh.


How he might have looked
Rozzer Webb (of criminality) - 12-1
It began so well too. Time will tell if it has ended in ignominy, or if this is just a sort of Kevin Pietersen moment in his Cross career. Once the taker of flying catches, Rozzer had channelled his efforts towards becoming an elite sportsman who could represent his country on the pool table, instead some neds multiplied by his gargantuan steroid intake brought it all crashing down. Will his tenure be remembered as a 'What if', or can he turn back the clock, re-stand for office and redeem his reputation?

Currently on the US side of things

Kwinny - 16-1
Unusually for a Crosser, Kwinny has tailored his foreign excursions to match the close season as much as possible. This is so unusual we can only view it with rampant suspicion. What are we finally doing right that makes people want to stay? Does it mean that despite his canny insistence that he has no captainly ambitions, that indeed is exactly what he has his eye on. I'm tempted to take him at face value, but you really have to watch these humans, they're a right untrustworthy breed.


Lord Admin - 20-1
Lord Admin dresses down
Taking a break from filming the latest Thick of It, Lord Admin took the time to completely deny he'd ever want to take control of such a shower of "you types". His 100% attendance record at AGM's would make it quite difficult to sneakily elect him. Of course, since buying out the East League, Admin may have other fish to fry and see the 2's job as an inconvenience on his way to world domination.


McDougie McRussell - 25-1
Temper
After the earlier revelations that the 1's was too big a job for him (again), who can rule out a promotion to 2nd XI skip for the thinking man's radge? Not only can he bat and bowl, turns out he can keep a bit too (only a bit). Once he adds fielding and captaincy skills to his game, he might be one for the future. Once they start to grow spare human knee ligaments in laboratories, a national call-up might even be possible.


Hey gorgeous, they call me Cocko
Cocko McGill - 50-1
Known to the authorities as Carlos the Jackal, Cocko has been keeping a lower profile of late, consciously scoring less runs and keeping wicket taking to a minimum. This might be down to US drone policy and his international fugitive status or more likely just this blimmin rain. With only two stated goals for 2013, the first being getting back into the 2's, the second being taking his offspring tally into 3 figures, it's up to you to decide which is more realistic.


Coastal Erosion
Ken Troversial - 66-1
Coastal Ken is what's known in certain perverted circles as a dotball fetishist. It stems from a medical condition best described as an immunity to boredom. Casual observers might just glance at his score's of 0, 0, 1, 3, 0, 11, 0 and think 'not a bad Cross bat at all', but keener observers would look at how many balls he took to NOT get off the mark and realise there is incredible skill not just in not scoring a run on purpose, but shutting down all avenues of potential mis-scoring opportunities such as inside edges, leg byes incorrectly awarded to the batsman or overthrows. His feats and his dedication to their continuance are truly mind-boggling. About time he was dropped back down to the 2's.


McScotty McRussell - 75-1
The easier going one of the two brothers
News that McDougie is in with a shout will surely reach the ears of serial club-founder, former 2's skipper (who isn't?) and a gentleman ably designed for 2's captaincy. Completely welcome and totally barred from every club in the land, the management committee would have to OK his candidacy. Working on some sort of f-ed up quantum level he can both build the club up to levels of incredible success and destroy it. As this often happens simultaneously, most folk think things are ticking along normally. Just like the quantum physics illusion of reality.


Where to begin?
Maggie Broonster - 100-1
Sister of tea lady Mandy Broon and official club photo-chronicler, odds of 100-1 might be bargain of the century. The man who out rent boys the rent boys in the fashion stakes seems to possess absolutely zero shame (see photo). Vying with Wusrnip as the Crosser most likely to be on the box, Broonster could be a man going places. Where, I really don't know, but I think he has a bus pass and I suspect he's familiar with the 35. Successful election may rely on whether he can deliver the new bar/changing room/swimming pool complex he's secretly drawn up.


Smokin Hottie - 250-1
Smokeless ciggies, what next, non alcoholic lager???
Oh yeah, she's back. In the continuing absence of gratuitous sexism on this blog, I am led to believe that Ms S Hottie might be showing an interest in the 2's vacancy. Still banging the populist drum (not a euphemism) this er, smokin hottie believes in smoking as you play, the sort of hot topic that might end with the PVB v Coco Mixed Martial Arts match up we've all been waiting on for too long.

Killer by name, killer by nature

Further odds available on request.

NEW ODDS ADDED

Andy 'The' Killer - 75-1
At inter-school sports, when the oppo rugger team turned up you'd often be quaking in your boots at how good they looked or mostly how much bigger they were with no actual skill evidence. The Killer has both these bases and more covered. Not only is he the tallest man on the planet, he looks like he'd be a good player before you've even seen him tie his laces. On top of that, he is a dead ringer for a former English international fast bowler. No, not Devon Malcolm...

Sunday 16 September 2012

Autumn Renovation

Successfully carried out by Smudger and his team yesterday.

Smudger leads the way

HX in child labour scandal...
Many thanks to all those who participated: especially Smudger and Shifty for completing the difficult task of scarifying the square the week before-and to the new recruits to the loaming team: an injury free (!) Vikram...and Felicity & Alex.

Monday 3 September 2012

Scottish Gas

I thought it only fair to warn anyone thinking of attending the forthcoming Spartans v Hearts game at Graham Stadium of the potential risks of getting too close to a herd of Jambo's.

Smells like ... a Jambo
Available for 1 week on iPlayer is Off The Ball - Sunday Supplement. Whilst the whole programme is usually worth a listen, I advise you specifically to listen from 20:53 for a minute or so to find out what has amused me so much.

Come on Spartans!!!

Saturday 1 September 2012

League Weekend 19

Saturday's fixtures -

  • 1st....oh wait
  • 2nds vs
  • 3rds vs

Sunday 26 August 2012

SIoppy Cross punished by Van JaarsveId

Activcity Trophy Semi -at Meggetland

Marchmont 124ao
Van Jaarsveld 49
Loeffen 30

Bonfield 4/19/3
Bainbridge 2/24/0
Marsh 2/19/0
Trewartha 4/21/3
Russell 4/27/2
Ellis 4/9/2

Holy Cross 117-7
Ellis 43
Mahzer 37
Loeffen 3-13

Match report:
11 pIayers ready to pIay at toss time wouId heIp
Catches win Matches
Don't bowl short dross to a strong man with a 4lb bat!
Don't smack it straight to their best fieIder

But at Ieast it aIIowed  to enjoy the very entertaining finaI between
 Marchmont and MusseIburgh- Marchmont winning by 1 run
well done to them. report here


Thursday 23 August 2012

League Weekend 18

Saturday's fixtures -
  • 1sts vs Musselburgh at Loretto.
  • 2nds vs Musselburgh 2nds at Arbo.
  • 3rds vs SMRH 3rds at Leith Links.
It's Awards Night at Arbo after the games. If the weather's as bad as the forecast and all the games are off, then we'll meet at 7.30pm for an 8.00pm start.

Sunday. Please note that both the time and the venue for the semi-final have changed.
  • Activcity Trophy finals day - semi-final vs Marchmont at Meggetland, 1pm. Winners vs Edinburgh or Musselburgh at Craiglockhart at 4.30pm.

Tuesday 21 August 2012

2nd's v Penicuik (away)

Me next Saturday (Dougie keeping wicket)
When the 1's played at Marchmont a week past Saturday, I inside-edged the fastest ball of the season (at any level) onto my shin. It smarted somewhat (understatement) and has been playing up through various sizes and colours ever since, even necessitating a lovely wee trip to A&E (160 mins processing time, sort it out Broonster) to enquire as to the completeness or otherwise of the shinbone (technical term) last Monday evening (after 2 nights of drinking had failed to mend the injury).

Therefore I had to sit it out last weekend.

Even a strangulated text from the hero of the selection process claiming we were struggling for numbers (tell me something new) couldn't break my resolve. I was fairly confused about the enquiry "will you be fit enough for the 2's then?". Is anyone?? What is 2's fitness exactly??? Does 'Unfit for cricket' = '2nd team regular'????

In the meantime, the 3's game was abandoned a day early and so the availability issues must have eased.

Serendipitously the 2's were visiting my home village of Pennycook, somewhere underneath Edinburgh on the border of The Borders. Splendid I thought. A few cheap sherbets in a lovely setting whilst our battle hardened veterans smoted the countryside whippersnappers. The teas are usually well worth plundering too. All good. Might be worth getting injured more often...

As you drive up Kirkhill Road, you get a glimpse of the ground through the gate, before you pass the wall, view the field and then the scoreboard. As I passed the gate I caught site of a baggy green in the field. Must have won the toss looking to blast the home team to smithereens. Clever!!!

Past the wall and a quick neb at the scoreboard - WTF - PCC 40 odd for 1 chasing 61. Good grief, gadzooks and once more, WTF. I was out the car and hopping round to the scorehut faster than you could say Oscar Pistorius. Hector, a permanent fixture in the Penicuik scorehut, long ago christened 'Hectors Hoose', showed me the damage. Some of the top order had reached double figures, then the home side cheekily introduced a spinner called Pace who took 5-for and ripped through the Cross tail. Superted and all!!!

"Missing a few regulars?" Hector politely enquired. "Eh nut" I responded counting at least 7 bona fide 2nd team regulars in play.

My eyes didn't deceive me either, there were only 10 men. If the 3's were off, and the 2's had 10 men, and McGill wasn't one of them, it could only mean one thing. Yes, Colin McGill was surely deid. Reeling from this news I was distracted as the Cross made a breakthrough and a team mate of mine from my previous life at Kirkhill, Cliff Hutt, was sent back to the huttch (so sorry) by Lord Admin. Could our spinner now match the earlier feats of Mr Pace?

No, no he absolutely could not!!!

In no time Penicuik had passed the total. The only actual part of the play I can recall is the final ball when the scores were tied, bowled by Lord Admin. It arrived at the batsman about spam height and was hatcheted in the direction of midwicket. The batsmen didn't even need to run. Later, as I rammed a mini sausage roll into my gob, I enquired after Lord Admin "what was going on with that last ball ya fanny?". To which his Lordship responded "I thought if I'm ever going to bowl my wrong'un, that was the time". So next seasons Division 5 batsmen, you have been warned.

All over by 4pm.

After almost witnessing such a terrible performance, with some amount of trepidation I asked "are you guys safe". Being a serious situation, the actual meaning bypassed the downhearted troops, "oh yes" said Smujinder, "we've won all our home games and lost all our away games". Fortress Arbo indeed.

And which fate had befallen poor Coco??? It was more gruesome than I could ever have imagined. He'd been drafted into the 1's!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fair Weather Crossers


 There were 3 fixtures played by HX teams at the weekend....
it is now Tuesday but there is no sign of any scores or reports....

do we only blog when we are are winning...?

Monday 20 August 2012

Awards Night

Just a reminder that Awards Night will be held at Arbo on Saturday after the day's games. As Sunday is the Activcity finals day, the Croscars will of course be a very sober affair ......

Anyone who is on the e-mail list should find a list of awards in their in-box. If you haven't got one, e-mail me at secretary@holycrosscricket.co.uk. Wednesday evening is the deadline for voting.

TMS

Aggers and Shaun Pollock have been having a bit of difficulty identifying the position of a fielder in the 3rd Test at Lords v Safrica.

Aggers wasn't happy, accusing Graeme Smith of thinking too much if the commentators don't even know the name of the position.

Pollock described it as "in between gully and third man loitering position".

HX regulars better skilled in inventive fielding nomenclature could maybe take a stint in the TMS combox and help out these so-called professional haverers!!!

Friday 17 August 2012

Thirds Game Washed Away

Sorry, guys. Not particularly surprising news, but Edinburgh Leisure have said Campbell Park is unplayable for tommorow.

Thursday 16 August 2012

League Weekend 17

Saturday's fixtures -
  • 1sts vs Murrayfield-DAFS at Arbo.
  • 2nds vs Penicuik 2nds, away.
  • 3rds vs Tranent, home at Campbell Park.
Sunday -
  • Presidents Plate final vs Tranent at Lewisvale, Musselburgh, 1pm start.

Wednesday 15 August 2012

Cross Scramble into Activcity Semi

Activcity Quarter Final, Arboretum, 14th August

Murrayfield DAFS 119-7 (Sam Fergusson c30)
Holy Cross 119-6 (Owais Mazher c60, Charlie Ellis c30; Bharat Nussum 3 wkts)

Good game. HX scrambled a bye to the keeper off the last ball to tie the scores and win by losing one less wicket.

Cross squeaked through to the Activcity finals day (Sunday August 26th at Myreside/Craiglockhart) in an excellent game versus MDafs - adding to a long list of epic HX vs MDafs contests since THAT game in 2004.

A generally solid bowling performance with Andy K (plenty movement!) and Shannon's spells the pick and cje's the lowlight. Unusually we displayed some good fielding; especially from an unprecedentedly mobile cover field (Nawaz, Tom and Andrew R). We kept MDafs to 119: rather more than seemed likely at the 10 over mark - some good hitting from Fergusson helping their cause.

With a recently cut outfield and a decent pitch, 119 ought to have been more easily reached. But a slightly slow start put us behind the rate before some fine striking from Owais and steady play from cje seemed to have put HX in control.

But when cje and Owais were dismissed, the gloom descended further, the MDafs bowling tightened-up (Akerkar and Bharat) and we found ourselves struggling to pick up runs with any consistency (too many dot balls).

Some vital late boundaries from Jon and Shannon and energetic running from Tambo put things back in our favour before a late flurry of wickets made MDafs the favourites. With 2 balls remaining we needed 2 for the win and 1 for a tie but a swing and a miss meant that we had to rely on a scrambled bye to the keeper (would it have been a run if the keeper had hit? McGill said it would have required the 3rd umpire...).

Anyway, it all seems to suggest that Gary's long-distance running training has finally paid off..

This was exactly the scenario when we LOST the final last year. Indeed it will be Marchmont we play in the Semi-final (at Myreside).

Tuesday 14 August 2012

Shifty the Craic Dealer???

Ma een near popped oot ma heid.

Shifty on the BBC

"Shifty, a young crack cocaine dealer in London, sees his life quickly spiral out of control when his best friend (Bates?) returns home"

"Packs a powerful punch"???

Shifty on IMDB

Next on Saturday, BBC2, 2330.

Sunday 12 August 2012

Thirds lose to TeamGB...

'Fact of the Day: @TeamGB have won more Gold Medals than the @HXCricket 3rds scored runs today!'

pvb reports on the Thirds trip to Hawick :

Ok, the 3rds lost by a mere 195 runs but I have to say I am a very happy chappie! Firstly to see the wonderful Fraser Buchanan back playing and scoring 33 should bring a smile to everyone's face. Secondly for Andy Graham to actually manage to get a team to go to Hawick was magnificent; it would have been so disappointing for Hawick to have had another blank weekend. They were excellent hosts, providing a sumptuous tea. Sincere thanks to Mark Brown and Michael Baker for going to the trouble of travelling, both of whom fielded very well; also thanks to Ken for travelling and supporting - his car was needed.

There were many positives; Keith was back to his best - very economical (20 off 8); Mike was a fine stand-in keeper with two sharp stumpings and hardly a bye to be seen. Amir bowled a really good length and deserved his 2 wkts; he even brought a friend with him who made our numbers up to ten. Richard took a wonderful catch on long-on which really stung. Coco and Paul each took 3 wickets and Richard two, and after Hawick were only 2 down at tea, it was good going to get another 7 after tea and full bowling points.

A combination of good bowling and unusual running between the wickets meant we scored only 25 with Coco scoring the only boundary in his 10*. It was mercifully quick, leaving us time to stay for 2 hours and sample their delicious burgers.

Saturday 11 August 2012

Monday Night Cricket

Oops - forgot Monday night's game vs Teuchters in the round-up of the week ahead. If you'd like to play in the last friendly of the season, then let Coco or JB know. It's at Arbo.

Two wins !! Threes just fall short

Scores Digest:

1sts
At Cavalry Park


Marchmont 193-8 (M. Loeffen 64, P Macsimczyk 26)
S. Bonfield 10/1/34/1
S. McOscar 9/1/48/3
Killey 7/0/26/0
Trewartha 9/0/24/1
Ellis 9/1/25/1
Russell 6/0/29/2

Holy Cross 194-6 (49.5 overs)
C.Ellis 93*, S. McOscar 29, K. Fraser 23
Macsimczyk 2/27

Super game of cricket played in great spirits. 

Twos won!!
 vs Livingston 2nds at Arbo

Made 185/6, 58 from Ziggy, 33 from Fraser Buchanan in his first game for years. Bowled them out for 90, Usama 3/36, Lohan 3/26.

scorecard here

Threes lost...er just

further details to follow

Thursday 9 August 2012

League Weekend 16 and the Week Ahead

Saturday's games -
  • 1sts vs Marchmont, away.
  • 2nds vs Livingston 2nds at Arbo.
  • 3rds vs Hawick & Wilton, away.
In addition, Tuesday night sees the Activcity Trophy quarter-final vs Murrayfield-DAFS at Arbo.

Monday 6 August 2012

Sunday Success

Presidents Plate semi-final, Sunday 5th August.

Largo 3rds/4ths 49 all out
Holy Cross 2nds/3rds 50 for 1.

After a trying Saturday, Sunday brought a little joy as the 2nds/3rds won through to the final of the Presidents Plate.

This being the Cross, Sunday wasn't without its trying moments as we just about assembled 10 cricketers, enough cars and the appropriate insurance to get them across the Forth.

Early exchanges were fairly even, with Andy K bowling a rapid spell down the hill and Smudger removing the dangerous-looking opener after a couple of good boundaries. But then Coco, bowling at least 3 mph faster than usual thanks to the hill, swung the match decisively in our favour with a devastating spell of 5 for 4. JB followed with a couple of cheap wickets, Nawaz executed a fine run out, we took all our catches and the innings was over just in time for the serious rain to begin.

After a long delay, eased by some very nice scones, we resumed under lowering skies. BAF was out for the first time in this cup run, but then JB and Andy Q, riding their luck a little, particularly against the impressive young Singh, took us home, just in time for some more heavy rain.

Final vs Tranent at Lewisvale, Musselburgh on Sunday 19th August (reserve, Sunday 26th August).

Friday 3 August 2012

It's That Time On Friday Afternoon Again...

...but in the absence of enough cricket to prattle on about, here is some stuff from the multifarious sporting event taking part in the capital city of one of the countries in the UK (I don't think I'm allowed to say Olympics, doh!!!)

You will not be disappointed. Even if you've seen these already, I doubt you'll get tired of them.

Diving Faces

And just in case these aren't enough, how can you tire of wonderment for this pillock and his shenanigans????

Swinging Tool


Wednesday 1 August 2012

League Weekend 15 and the Week Ahead

The weekend's scheduled action -
  • Saturday, 1sts vs Dunfermline at Arbo.
  • Saturday, 2nds vs Preston Village, away - possibly on the artificial if wet.
  • Saturday, 3rds vs Dalgety Bay, home at Campbell Park.
  • Sunday, 2nds vs Largo 3rds, Presidents Plate semi-final at Largo, 1.30 start.
Midweek -
  • Thursday (9th), evening friendly vs Tranent at Arbo.

Monday 30 July 2012

1st XI v Grange II @ Fettes - 28/07/2012

Whilst some of the cricket wasn't the most picturesque, the setting wasn't too bad and it was a fantastic toss to lose. These are taken in the last 10 overs.

Bonfield playing in the V


Skipper square cuts


Bonfield defends.


Bonfield v ex Warwickshire captain Mike Powell


Russell showing off his technique


McOscar bats, bowls, keeps wicket and even does the scorebook.


Bonfield tickles one round the corner


Note the game on the pitch next to us had exited stage left and the covers were on whilst we soldiered on.


A familiar site at cricket grounds this summer - puddles.