And the Winner Was ......

For all those who couldn't make it to Awards Night on Saturday, and for all those who did make it but can't remember a thing, here is the full and official list of 2010 award winners. The Dear Leader selected Pat as his Glamorous Assistant.

Club Player of the Year - Spickers, with Charlie as runner-up.

Clubman of the Year - Charlie for hours of selfless work on the Arbo square.

Most League Runs - Jon by one run from Charlie.

Most League Wickets - A three-way tie between Richard, Smudger and, following his single wicket on Sunday, Coco.

2nds Player of the Year - Jon.

3rds Player of the Year - Richard.

The Buchie Award (fastest run scorer) - Norrie, who scored his League runs at 5.8 an over.

Coastal Erosion (slowest run scorer) - Ken again, although this year's rate of 1.6 an over was a significant acceleration from last year's 1.25.

Quack Quack Oops (most League ducks) - Smudger (5).

The Wolrige Tankard for the player with the best spirit - Eight separate nominations, but Bimbo wins by a head from Andy Q and Broonster.

Most Improved Player - Usama by a distance from "McGill the batsman".

Most Disappointing Season - The winner is the President's body and not the 2nds. I repeat, not the 2nds.

Most Memorable Team Performance - The 1sts' win away vs Watsonians, the eventual League champions.

The WG Grace Award for the Best Older Player - Richard.

Best Younger Player - Usama.

The Most Entertaining Moment of the Season - Last year's winner was the 3rds for managing to get three batsmen to the wicket at the same time at Carlton as Keith and Coco both thought they were next in. This year they went one better with four batsmen in the middle at home against Dunfermline as both Coco and Keith G succumbed to the Campbell Park sniper and required runners.

The Botham Award for the Most Heroic Individual Performance - Manon for single-handedly turning the away game against Boroughmuir with a quickfire 60 to remind us how much we miss him.

Catch of the Year - Runners-up were Spickers' diving catch for the BFLs to dismiss Edinburgh's star batsman and Andy G's one-hander on the boundary against Marchmont in the Masterton. But the run-away winner was Russell Eberst for two superb slip catches against Smellies.

The James Bradley Memorial Princess Hissy Fit Trophy - Joint runners-up - first, for the second year running, for his consistent excellence in minor on-field tantrum- and huff-throwing, but in particular for his performance after being bowled against Boroughmuir, the man who has described Dr Bradley as his mentor more than once - Charlie; second, CA Smith for letting a ball through his legs and blaming his twin/captain. But the winner, for those not very "sobber", not very long-lived blog postings and for his mid-season resignation is Ziggy, who becomes the first man to retain the Broken Tiara - all the more extraordinary given his constant good humour on the field whatever the provocation.

Trigger - Sorry, Mike.

Distinguished Hawaiian Shirt Wearer of the Year Award - Broonster. It'll go nicely with his extensive collection of Stade Francais rugby shirts.

Sunday Bloody Sunday....but no inquiry needed - we were brutal!

Dunfermline was a bridge too far for this end of season clash for the depleted 3s who started the game fielding with 9 before Robertson Jnr answered the call to arrive 15 overs in to the game.

At 43-3 after 12 overs, the 3s looked useful with newly crowned Young Player of the Year and Most Improved Player of the Year Usama Shazad reaching 1 for 18 from his opening 6 overs including a Wicket Maiden. Akilesh took a wicket with his 4th delivery and without a brown envelope and a News of the World in sight, things were looking up!



Unfortunately young Scott Lucas, whose previous best of 79 not out, was on fire and this promising star of the future despatched many a bowler on his way to an excellent 103 not out.

Geddes, who made the long journey across the street to attend the game but arrived at 12.55, was in on the wickets taking 2-38 and Nevin - winner of the Worst Umpire Award the previous evening - also took a brace but for half of Geddes' total. McGill was left wondering what could have been, taking just one wicket for 41 runs.

In response, the Crossers took to the field following a fine tea for two, but they were either still in awe over the Lucas innings or forgot their batting strokes over the break.



Nevin and Lawrie both notching up singles before being clean bowled by David Timmins leaving Cross 4 for 2 - no Pakistan Agents in sight...



Roberston Jnr looked to go airborne with a Thomas Lucas (yip, he is Scott's twin!) delivery however he only managed to reach Wilkinson and it was back to the pavillion on 11 - double figures at least! Coco went in to keep Mahmood company, but it was Din-Dong for Timmins who added to his earlier scalp. Cross in trouble at 28-4!



Usuma came - and went for 4, caught and bowled by Scott Lucas and Geddes was following him back to the sheds moments later for a duck, caught by the Keeper with the faintest nick from a sweet S Lucas delivery.





Akilesh added a solitary score to the proceedings before being cleaned bowled by Wilkinson as a swipe and miss by the bat didn't miss the stumps!!



McGill was clearly not firing on full cylinders - perhaps basking in the glory of the Awards Night - and his innings of 20 was abrutly ended by Wilkinson.



So, the dream team was out there. Sandy Robertson & Broonster. The Holy Cross Broad & Trott. Or was that Laurel & Hardy? Robertson was already holding his own and continued to show why he has been a strong batsman over the years for the Cross.



Both he and Brown (1 N.O.)steadied the sinking ship to hang on in there and get another batting point before Sandy was finally broken on 13 by S Lucas who, at 3-20 was up there with D Timmins 3-19 for bowling honours.



Well, the curtain comes down on another Cross-tastic 3rds season. Whilst the result was understatingly disappointing, on a positive note, if Cricket Scotland can work with some of these kids and keep them in the game, the future of Scottish Cricket may well be bright!

.....Breaking News....Investigation Launched into Suspicious Wides

.....breaking news....investigation launched into suspicious series of wide full tosses bowled by an unnamed left armer seam bowler - the 2nd, 8th, 10th, 16th, 19th, 20th and 23rd deliveries of his 4 over spell are being analysed.

Observers have suggested that the balls were so bad that the bowler must have deliberately been aiming to miss the wicket keeper. This is not the 1st accusation of deliberate poor bowling to have been levelled at HX 1st XI bowlers this season: Bainbridge, Ellis, Russell, Killey and Webb have also bowled suspicious spells.

Rasoed, Brassoed, Rat-arsoed...

Saturday results digest..
1sts

Edinburgh Accies 203-9 (M. Raso 78, N. Sellar 22; D. Russell 3-16, R. Worsnop 2-20, S. Bonfield 2-36).

Holy Cross 165-7 (C. Ellis 59, D. Russell 33, E.C. Smith 23; H.Paton 2-26, P. Taylor 2-38).

Thought we had a chance at 101-3 off 33 but we were not able to make the necessary acceleration against tight Accies bowling in the gloom.

2nds
Holy Cross 2nds beat Musselburgh 2nds by 5 wickets chasing 157 - 4-for for Smudger, a handy opening spell from Nawaz on his return and a hat-trick of catches from Norrie; 44 for JB and an excellent 58, his highest score for the Cross, from last-game-of-the-season-specialist Andy Q, who had earlier pouched two diving catches.

3rds
.....Breaking news:
According to KL they were chasing 211-8 but 'batted like numpties' and were 70ao

Awards Night.
Can't remember who won what (hopefully Mr Admin remembers), though Broonster can now claim his prize...once Andy G (who must have been doing some last minute business) is tracked down.

After midnight a few Crossers succumbed to the contents of the jugs (or was it the port/ Brasso cocktail being handed round). In order of disapearance they were:

Bimbo (or at least the person looked like Bimbo-but with a very white face..)
Norrie
Coco
KF

League Weekend 18 and the Off-Season Ahead

Saturday's fun -

• 1sts vs Edinburgh Accies at Arbo. Umpires - Chait Badhe and Bruce Dixon.
• 2nds vs Musselburgh 2nds, away.
• Awards Night at Arbo from about 8pm or as soon as the 2nds get back from Musselburgh.

Sunday -

• 3rds vs Dunfermline 3rds, away.

Friday 3rd September -

• 60th Anniversary Dinner, Craigmillar Park Golf Club, 7 for 7.30. One or two tickets still available. See Broonster.

A Saturday in September -

• Work party putting the Arbo pitch to bed for the winter. Watch out for Smudger's e-mail.

What's the point of MCC??

No, not what you think. Though Crossers may well be bemused by the continuing existence of an outmoded institution like Murrayfield-Dafs CC, this R4 programme is about another MCC and may be of interest to you.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b00tg23z

3, That's the magic number - 2s win again!

As i'm back at 10.15 from the club, i thought i'd post this before heading out again, getting hammered and then posting a blog that is deemed inappropriate! At least this way chuckie doesn't have to tell JB to head to the office on a sunday morning asap to remove whatever i might have posted the night before.
Having chosen not to pick Shanon, we still went to Roseburn in goodd heart having won 2 in a row, the last being a comprehensive win against stirling.
We batted first and got off to a good solid start, albeit without it being particularly thrilling as an onlooker. Norrie then took 20 off one over and we were off and running - 50 odd for none off 12. The DAFs bowlers then resumed their tight line and the run rate slowed somewhat, not helped by the length of the grass on the outfield.
Norrie eventually went for 45 shortly followed by Paul for 19 and Nippon for 9. Meanwhile JB was his normal happy self, enjoying the bowling that was coming his way. Thanfully he re-discovered how to hit the ball to leg and decided that he actuallly liked this, eventually going for 51. Ziggy, Brian, Shifty and then Astley took the total to over 200. Astley hitting the last ball for 6 to takke us to 201 for 6 off 45.
A good tea was followed by a tight start to the HX bowling, with Andy G and Gerry keeping DAFs to 31 for 0 off 10. To be fair, in this time we did manage to drop some absolute sitters off Mr Kidd who was back after 3 weeks out with an injury. First Norrie charged in from the boundary at deep long on covering some 30 yards, over-ran the ball and then dropped the ball whilst re-adjusting. Then it was Smudgers turn. Diving to his right the ball dipped and moved away. Smudger got his wrist to it but managed to drop it. No excuse. Even worse was to follow by Andy G. Can only assume he was repaying Norrie for dropping the ball off his bowling earlier. Andy sauntered in from deep long on, made some sort of effort to dive for the ball having covered 40 yards, full length to his left, got a good hand to it but dropped it. All 3 were absolute sitters and could have proved costly! - Please note i'm being sarky as all were top efforts! Thankfully Kidd holed out to Mr safe hands Nippun off Norrie and the game was just about won. Unfortunatley we had to play the full 45 overs to do so, with DAFs finishing on about 120 for 8 off 45. The Doc bowled very well and rightly got a 4 for. JB, Smudger and Gerry got one a piece. The other was a run out courtesy of JB which had the throw impersonating a very slow bouncing bomb before reaching smudger from 10 yards away!
Another top result by the 2s against a team above them which has moved the 2s into the top half of the table.
Next week Musselburgh away - let's make 4 in row and finish the season on a high!
Before i sign off, Andy, i hope the hand injury isn't too serious.

1sts can't beat them at Arboretum...

The 1st XI lost out to Boroughmuir at Arbo today by 6 wickets, with the visitors reaching the Crossers' total of 132 with plenty gas left in the tank.

I'll leave the match report to others - but it went along the lines of 'Didn't score enough runs, Didn't take enough wickets'.

Instead, sit back and enjoy a pictorial of events.

League Weekend 17 and the Week Ahead

Saturday's League fixtures:

• 1sts vs Bouroughmuir at Arbo
• 2nds vs Murrayfield-DAFS 3rds, away on the Roseburn Park artificial
• 3rds vs Murrayfield-DAFS 4ths, home at Campbell Park

And, err, that's it as the midweek season has now finished. Use your spare evening constructively by sending in your votes for the 2010 Crosscars.

Shock News: Finally a Midweek Victory!

Because of our season of 20 over misery, Coco cleverly decided to shorten the game to 18 overs per side.

Though we had only 6 confirmed at 3pm; but as it was a vital league game a midweek friendly HX were able to scramble together a strong side (Bainbridge, EC Smith, CA Smith, S Bonfield, A Killey, C Ellis, I Astley, D Cartwright, S Robertson, C McGill).

Holy Cross 134/5 (18 overs)
the retiral point of 25 reached by Ellis, EC Smith and (most impressively) Killey.

E U Staff 128/6 (18 overs)

A thoroughly enjoyable game on a sunny evening on a fine (covered) Peffermill pitch (obviously a good groundsman...yes, it seems that Gavin does a good job). Some impressive hitting from the EUS batsmen took them ahead of the run rate before their retiral/ some wickets (including a nice overhead catch from Shannon and a run out via a Killey throw from the boundary over the bails) slowed them up. A few bowlers receiving some tap...though not Bonfield, Bainbridge or Astley.

The Doctor also took a crucial catch in the last over to dismiss one of their returning tonkers. They eventually needed 12 to win off the last over and then 6 off the last ball; but Coco hit the stumps.

Cheers to EUSCC for their hospitality.

Club Dinner - Get Your Tickets NOW!!!

There is still time to buy your tickets for the Club's 60th Anniversary Dinner. Tickets are as hard to come by as 1st XI runs at the moment so buy yours NOW to avoid disappointment.

Only £25 for a 3 course feast and top quality speakers - it's promising to be a night to remember.

There are two weeks of the season left - please bring your cash to Arbo next Saturday and I will pick it up.

Remember - It's Friday September 3rd, Craigmillar Park Golf Club, 7 for 7.30pm. We need a good 40 or 50 to make a good night a great night!!

So get negotiating with 'er indoors (or better still, bring her along!), book the babysitter, get a dog walker - whatever it takes.

Any questions, please give me a shout.

Fife police appeal for help in mystery of missing runs

Fife Constabulary are appealing for help in locating a previously reliable batting order that went missing between the hours of 1pm and 3pm Saturday afternoon. Apparently several Edinburgh men clad in white were seen lacking backbones and guts, looking lost and forlorn in the vicinity of East Road, Largo.

Onlookers said there was little of interest to report between the hours of 1 and 3 apart from some resistance from the bats of Quinn and Pope. However even with the distinct stench of endofseasonitis emanating from the Edinburgh men a number of other mysteries still remain unanswered. Early investigations appear to indicate that the Edinburgh team had regarded Largo as a happy hunting ground in previous years but may have been lethargic and under prepared for the Fifers they encountered fighting for their Division One lives. Whilst police are linking yesterday's events to those in a Edinburgh pub on the previous Monday and scouring KF's latest missive for clues, they still can't understand how any team that selects only 3 recognised batsmen can expect to enjoy any success. Insiders described getting scuppered for 84, as being a disgrace, an embarrassment, a shambles and "total shit".

Witnesses did report a definite change of attitude after tea, when a tongue lashing from the skipper prompted some fight/spirit in the Edinburgh men, with Pat and Andy K emerging with particular credit. The above events have lead the police to surmise that this is a one off event and they will be watching intently the events of the next two Saturdays ready to swoop should any of yesterday's traits be repeated.

Police are also investigating the loss of Bainbro's radar, several exaggerated send offs, numerous moments of highly dubious decision making, breach of the peace and the skipper's brake lights.

2nds not their usual selves

Ziggy has had his computer adapted which prevents him from ranting between midnight and 7am on Saturday nights.

So as not to disappoint ffs, I shall attempt to give a flavour of the 2nds game.

We simply failed to live up to our usual ineptitude. We went into the game expecting to lose, waded into a fine tea expecting to lose. So where did it all go wrong?

Well Smudger listened to the views of others and decided to bat - how crass was that? While Stirling arrived so early that they managed two laps of the field, lengthy catching practice and a team talk, our pre-match preparation consisted of a few leisurely cigarettes, musing on the number of players who injure themselves in warm-ups - Pistols Legget of Watsonians the latest victim.

Nippun and pvb kindly gave their opponents the start they expected, but then the rather accurate bowling forced Jon and Keith to apply themselves.

The odd dropped chance helped and the odd loose ball was dealt with skilfully, enabling them to score 75 and 35 respectively; we then tried to get Stirling back in the game with 2 lbws and it was time for Holy Cross to revert to type with collapso cricket par excellence; only Usama and Gerry sabotaged the attempt with glorious strokes (Gerry's scoring rate was 266%). 143 all out

I was out on a limb predicting a win at tea with plenty of catches at deep mid off or thereabouts.

After tea it was very unsporting of Usama and Vikram not to serve up the usual pies to our opponents to make them feel at home. Then Stirling's top batsman (515 runs) obviously thought that first change Smudger was a doddle as he tried to put him into Ferry Road but instead nearly put the ball into orbit. Even here, why two fielders did not converge and make a complete horlicks of it is a real mystery; Nippun looked confident, his name rang out and he pouched a fine catch. More excellent catches by Ziggy(2), Josie(2) and Brian, plus Josie's throw straight to Keith's gloves for a runout were just not Crosslike. Smudger took 4-13 before two slogs made it 4-21; Gerry was just as tight, and lots of boundaries were prevented by outfielders. Smudger even devised the most cunning way to get the tailender on strike by offering an overthrow. Jon then nipped in to take out 3 of the tail and be man of the match/ season/ decade.

It was surreal. Stirling sportingly congratulated Jon and said the better team won. Gerry had to pinch himself to make sure it wasn't a dream that we had won two on the run, and jugs flowed for all sorts of reasons or no reason at all.

Will normal service be resumed next week?

2nds Complete Consecutive Crucial Victory

1sts-East Drive, Largo
Holy Cross 84ao: Largo 85/3
I could try and produce a Ziggy style rant but simply we were totally shit a bit below par .

Largo's view of proceedings here

2nds-Arboretum
Holy Cross 2nd XI 143 (J Bates 75):Stirling 3rd XI 109 (C Smith 4-21)

3rds-Inverleith Park
Drummond Trinity 2nd XI 156 : Holy Cross 3rd XI 135 (11 pts)

Matt the Kiwi puts shine on 3s performance but can't polish off DT's

The 3s made the short trip to Inverleith Park to take on Drummond Trinity 2s on the Artifical Track on the Slope.

Captain Ken elected to bowl first on what was a sun-drenched day in the Capital, ideal for BBQs in the Park!



Sharp and Geddes kicked off the bowling and despite some interesting bounces and missed opportunities (for opportunities read catches!), the breakthrough came in the 7th over when Khan was lured into a swipe by Sharpe and our ever alert keeper produced a quality stumping.



Both openers took further wickets, one each in the 14th & 15th overs, Geddes seeing off Nadi and Sharpe despatching McIntyre for a duck.



Kiwi Matt was unlucky not to claim an early scalp however Rent Boy Graham did manage to run out Hewitt from one of his deliveries. Nevin couldn't make the ball stick as it came to him at pace. Ellis and McGill came up with a trio of wickets each, with Russell & Graham being the support act on a number of occasions.



With the DT's all out for 156, it was off to Arbo for Tea and rumour had it that the 2s had munched CoCo's finest!!



Back to the Astro then and Ken and Mike took to the field with eager anticipation. Mike was first to fall. Not from having his wicket taken, but from a delivery that he took on the back whilst taking a swipe. After a few minutes to recover, the opener was bowled and despatched for 16.



In came Kiwi Matt Kennerley, in his third game for the Cross. Last week saw showers at Campbell Park, Thursday was a monsoon mudbath and today saw the sunshine. Kia Ora from Edinburgh! Matt had a booze cruise to go to so came in at 3 so he could have a shot at batting. After easing himself in, the runs were shortly to come and he lasted beyond drinks to record a decent knock of 35. By this point, Ken was back in the pavillion and Scotty was at the crease.



A decent partnership of 56 between the Belter (19) and the Kiwi saw the Cross head to 94 for 3 however when Kennerley was fingered by Nevin at 101, it all of a sudden didn't look so rosy!!

Coco and Ellis Snr were victims at the end of over changes and both were out with the score on 112. Now at 129 for 7, could the Cross snatch defeat from the jaws of victory?



Sadly yes! Despite the heroics of Graham & Sharpe adding boundaries to the score, it simply wasn't enough and when the tailenders of Din & Geddes were removed, a defeat is what the history books will record with Cross finishing on 135, short by 21 runs.

View all the pics on Broonster's Facebook

Belter Skelter - Former Crosser Malik helps Tranent secure win

After a series of downpours in the Capital, tonight's T20 clash with Tranent was in doubt not only right until the opening delivery, but almost throughout the whole clash, which was reduced to a 16 overs fixture.

The tourists contained several well-kent faces, indeed, it almost resembled a Holy Cross Select with the Brothers Russell, Josey, McIntosh, Broonster (albeit pending Dougie's arrival) and former Crosser Suli Malik all taking part.



Cross batted first, hoping to get some runs on the board before the rain appeared. After a positive opening partnership from Vikram and Shifty got sidetracked by the rain, Vikram retired (38) to allow Kiwi Matt the chance to get his first taste of Arbo.

With all the panache and footwork of Bambi on Ice, the man from Napier (no, not the Uni!) was slipping and a sliding to his early downfall, skittled by Craigmile for a single.



Michael from the Rugby Club was in at 4 and hung around until another shower - this time forcing the players to the huts.



By this time, Shifty was suggesting CoCo had lost his marbles and he sent Sandy out to keep Michael company. Sadly, this partnership didn't last long at the somewhat soggy and squidgy crease and both headed back to the portacabins within minutes, Michael run out for a duck and Sandy tempted by a fine delivery from Dougie which he sliced it to Craigmile, adding 4 to the total.



Big Andy Killey and Nippun contributed the equivalent of the quantity of slices of bread to make a sandwich - two a piece - and the incumbent Rent Boy Graham was skittled for a duck - highly appropriate given the conditions!



Weatherhead and Malik opened for the Belters. The former had trouble keeping his feet in the quagmire and was eventually undone by a somewhat perverse piece of bowling from Pope - in Town for the Festival - which saw the ball splodge in the mud, hit the bat, squidge and slip onto the base of the stumps and tip the bails. All part of the technique apparently...



Sadly, that was to be the only Cross success, with Malik going on to make 34 before giving way to Craigmile who joined Josey to set up a victory with an over to spare.



Credit to all the players who stuck at it, and to Bimbo for turning up. And a big thanks to Charlie for his understanding when he sees the pics of the wicket....

All the pics now online at Broonster's Facebook

Cross lose in Midweek Mudbath Madness

According to Bimbo a reliable source, the insane Midweekers' match against Tranent went ahead this evening, despite the torrential rain...

HX making 93 in their 16 overs (runs for Vikram I believe) and Tranent passing that total with 1 over to spare (34* for returning ex-Crosser Judas Suli Malik).

League Weekend 16 and the Week Ahead

Saturday's fixtures -

• 1sts vs Largo, away.
• 2nds vs Stirling County 3rds, Arbo.
• 3rds vs Drummond Trinity 2nds, home on the Inverleith artificial.

We have a midweek friendly on Tuesday evening vs Edinburgh University Staff at Peffermill - usual contacts if you're interested in playing.

KF on ...... the Holy Cross Selection Committee

In his latest controversial* missive, KF turns his attention to the activities of the Selection Committee (current members: EC, SP(?), CS (?), MR (?), KL, CM plus match secretary).

Disclaimer: its contents do not necessarily reflect the views of Holy Cross ACC.

A reminder to all players:

1. The Selection Committee meets every Monday. To ensure total inaccuracy, this is conducted in a pub, preferably whilst taking part in the Pub Quiz. The process, documented in detail in the seminal 2009 document, Selection Problems No More, by the 1st XI skipper, involves pinning names of players (at least 51% must have unconfirmed availability) to a roulette wheel, spinning it and randomly allocating roles for the week within the club.

2. Players must make their unavailability unclear to someone who isn't Interim Match Secretary as soon after the fixture they are unavailable for has been concluded as possible. Accurate and timely information is frowned upon and may be dealt with sternly.

3. As soon as you become available, ensure you cast aspersions on every decision made by the carefree and thoughtless slackers who select the teams. These people insist on making a simple process incredibly complicated. to drive home the weight of your opinion, ensure that you cannot play the following weekend. Or the weekend after that.

4. Fit players are strictly forbidden. Any players reporting for a match in a fit state will immediately be put through a leisurely warm-up to rectify matters. For further reading see The Ecstasy & The Agony, the art of the celebration injury by Dr I Astley or Prof M Robertson's pamphlet, Marking out my run-up and other gunshot wounds, now featuring the bonus chapter The Pavement Sniper.

5. Any player unhappy with the team they are playing for is advised to wait a day until the teams are rejigged. To ensure total fairness this reselection is routinely performed on the evenings of Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. Also on the mornings of Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday. If a generally satisfactory outcome is reached by midday on Saturday, the allocated 3rd team skipper for the week (usually the 2nd team skipper) must take a bonus player from the 1sts or 2nds, especially if the 3rds only have 11 players.

6. When playing for the 1st XI, it is unsporting to beat any team in or near relegation difficulty. All victories must be obtained versus title-chasing sides only (but not Fauldhouse). In the 2nd XI, all victories are deemed unsporting and fielding with anything approaching competence is discouraged, especially by the bowlers who detest catches being taken off their bowling. In the 3rd XI, whilst victories are occasionally allowed, they should be restricted to those that are absolutely necessary to avoid relegation out of the league system altogether. It is also forbidden for the 3rd team to utilise a cricket pitch for games. Picturesque fields are preferred.

* you will recall that his previous post 'No Future' (still obtainable, whilst stocks last, from cje) was ruthlessly suppressed deemed a bit too controversial.

Making a Splash

Colin McGill has asked me to publicise this event that he is helping to organise.

The Crosscars - Awards Night Date Announced

After almost as much dithering as is usually involved in a 2nd XI single, I've finally decided that Awards Night will take place on the evening of Saturday 28th August at Arbo.

This is usually the social highlight of the season, although it may be run close this year by the 60th Anniversary Dinner. So do come along. If you haven't been before, you can expect the evening to feature the following:

• a very garish Hawaiian shirt, in nylon;
• several quaichs, at least one of which will be filled with port - this should be avoided by anyone sensible and all those playing in the 3rds' game at Dunfermline the next day;
• a bearded compere and a "glamorous assistant";
• a rubber duck;
• the James Bradley Memorial Princess Hissy Fit trophy;
• a large lump of rock tastefully mounted on a wooden plinth;
• CoCo having a gentle snooze;
• and much hilarity.

I'll send out the ballot papers by e-mail later this week. In the meantime if there are any special awards you'd like to add to the usual line-up please let me know, also by e-mail so as not to spoil the surprise.