One spinner or two???

Meet England's new coach???

So, hands up anyone who would pick just one spin bowler in a Test Match in India? Anyone?? Don't worry, if you're stupid enough to think it's a good idea you could either be coach or captain of the England test side. Mind you, although Cooky and Flowery (has to be his nickname) thought it was the way to go, the 9 wicket defeat or 330 run deficit after the first innings in the 1st Test might have yielded a small clue.

Although I can't find the exact quote (hold on to your hats, I'm not a proper journalist), Sky's coverage told me earlier that none other than Shane Warney commented upon the 1st Test that if England weren't going to pick Panesar for that Test Match, when were they ever going to pick him? Too true.

Now I may be out of order, maybe Cooky or Flowery might know more about spin bowling than Warney. But Liz Hurley probably knows you need more than one spinner in India. It should be a sackable offence to not know this. It's akin to Levein playing without a striker in Prague (even Liz knows you always need two big strikers up front).

So onwards to the 2nd Test where Broady is a fitness doubt and every other English seamer bar Anderson is lame. And what amazing tactical innovation do England come up with? Well they go crazymadferrit and pick Monty AND Swanny. The audacity! The sheer ostentation!! Hallelujah!!!

But hold the fireworks, what are these sneaky Indian's up to. OMG they've gone for three (THREE) whole spinners in just one team. Wackier still, one of them will have to open the bowling. OMGx2. Just fancy that? Is this allowed says an old duffer choking on his Pimm's in the Long Room. Meanwhile, back at Castle Frazerio, I despair.

I'll make my view crystal clear. The four best spin bowlers in England right now should be in that Test XI. There is no sane argument against this. Not sure about that I hear you insanely say. OK. Chew on these series aggregates for the England bowlers in India so far:

(Overs/Maidens/Runs/Wickets)
Seamers   96   14   354    2   (r/r - 3.69, s/r 1 wkt every 288 balls)
Spinners  154  25   421   12  (r/r - 2.73, s/r 1 wkt every 77 balls)

If they played four spinners and they performed to those averages (those spin stats include part timers Patel & Pietersen too) and then someone said 'bring back Broad, Bresnan and Anderson in place of these keepin-it-tight-wicket-takers, you'd be locked up. And yet, that's where we seem to be.

I showed these numbers to a fish and even it laughed. Flowery & Cooky think a half fit and visibly floundering Stuart Broady (series figures so far 36-2-157-0) is the correct choice. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!

Why was only one spinner picked for the 1st Test? Why have only two been picked for the 2nd Test? Why are seamers getting picked at all?

For me the answer arrived not long after stumps in Mumbai when the highlights of Austrai'a v Safrica were broadcast. Safrica had finished 2-217. The first wicket was a run out. Aussie skipper Clarke used 8 bowlers in the day with 7th bowler Warner (David) taking the only other scalp. Yes, the Aussies couldn't take a wicket so their skipper went through every man and his dog to try and buy a wicket and lo and behold found one with his 6th change bowler.

Sky anchor, Ian Ward (5 Test matches for the Motherland) snidely commented on the in form Clarke 'inventive captaincy, or just running out of ideas'. I splurted my porridge down my jammies at that.

Mr Ward, let me say that Clarke's captaincy is the epitome of the exact opposite of running out of ideas. If you want to talk about running out of ideas, or better still, not having a clue, look at the English team selection and go no further.

Incidentally, Clarke once took 6-9 in a Test in India. England's seamers can't take 6-900.

If you can't take a wicket, try another bowler. If you are playing in India, only pick spinners. Stop thinking like it's 1951. England need to be able to think out of the box, or if they're incapable, listen to the likes of Shane Warne, if I can hear him, surely Flowery & Cooky can too.

Rant over.

Addendum (25/11/2012)

At the end of the highlights on Day 4 with Australia all over South Africa (77-4 from 50 overs in their 2nd innings), Ian Ward, seemingly having read my post, exclaims "Michael Clarke yet again thinking outside the box"!!!

HX Lookalikeys cont.

Once again no cricket means me stepping into the gap to (attempt to) entertain the fine defenders of Fortress Arboretum. Here's a peach I've been meaning to air for a while.

It must be said that despite his high end breeding, it appears that Lord Admin has a rather common fizzog although in this case the barnet is a great match too.

Not too long after his rag & bone impression, another of his doppelgangers has come to light.

Decide for yourself...

Lord Arboretum

Fans of BBC comedy The Thick of It will immediately know of whom I speak.

Good lord, it isn't is it???

The resemblance is uncanny (smile aside)!!!  Are they by any chance related??? We should be told!!!

Russell Regime Diktat # 0001

After years of lackadaisical 1st XI captaincy, Crossers have become used to a relaxed and enjoyable environment in which to enjoy their cricket. However, the team are now 'Under New Management'!!!

This is the first of a new series of commandments coming from the new, stricter, more driven captaincy team. Of course, I was an architect of the Old Way, but after being pinned against the wall at nets today by Mr Russell, I'm now a fully loyal member of the New Way.

With spittle firing angrily from his snarling gob I was told in no uncertain terms to send one of my "ranty things on the website" to inform the membership of the importance of attending nets. While all teams could be better represented, the 1st XI especially were under-represented.

Stealing a trick from top level sport, any player now claiming to be injured, shall now have to attend nets where a specialist physiotherapy unit shall examine the 'alleged' injury/ies. This will consist of being stood betwixt Coco & Mr Russell and only those demonstrably less fit than Them shall be given leave, albeit with a detailed exercise programme (20 tabs and a knee support).

Also, henceforth, all Crossers shall have to submit a Request Form to Mr Russell before booking any holidays. This should alleviate the constant 'off the island' excuses we seem to suffer despite nets and match dates being available weeks or months in advance.

Is this angry enough Dougie???

PS: I'm very, very aware of the hypocritical strain infecting this piece!!!!!

1st XI v Boroughmuir (including full match highlights)

On the way to Arbo on Saturday I was surprised my canoe wasn't inundated as I negotiated the Morningside rapids, however by the time I reached Loch Tollcross the monsoon had subsided a little and I could see where I was going again. As I pulled my vessel ashore at Arboretum Island I was incredulous to see the top of some stumps just above the waterline where the square once was.  Assured that the pitch was "hard underneath" we decided not to let a little bit of surface water put us off. Also, with various bowlers trying to break into our West Indian pace quartet, it would also have been handy to injure at least one, if not both of two of the present quartet, Lynch & Bainbridge, to ease future selection issues.

Despite the horrific batting conditions, the slow outfield and the idea that the pitch could only improve as the day wore on, skipper Smith still decided to put the oppo in when he won the toss, a u-turn on his previous double-bluff policy of insisting on the hardest course of action for his battle hardened team.


Promising youngster Lynch opened up at the Harbour End and using a dark red rubber duck, like some prehistoric God, he managed to extract some life from the bog of primordial soup. One mistimed hook shot was skyed, landing just short of fine leg, there was a great appeal for LBW and young Pat was looking forward to his second over.


Alack, Australians it seems are made of sterner stuff than their Anglo forefathers (or at least, their boots are).  Bambi (shurely Bimbo?) skited in from the Castle End managing two deliveries with relative assurance before the third ended in near tragedy.


Like Ronaldo running past an outstretched boot, Bainbro began a protracted and motion-heavy descent to the deck. The resulting wave shook boats loose from their moorings at Rosyth, but the Bimbo refused to stay down (because he would have drowned) and swam straight back to his feet.


As usual, the batsmen were coping fine in the conditions, but the bowlers, the poor delicate precious bowlers had to be protected. The skippers had a quick discussion and to abate any further high pitched whinging from Dougie et al, it was decided that with nine balls bowled, eight runs, nay wickets, the game was up the bogey.


Full match highlights here

The Good Old Days??

Today I picked up a copy of The Miller Guide to Scottish Cricket 1994 (at the excellent Christian Aid book sale at St Andrew's and St George's West, George Street-plenty good cricket stuff there btw).

In a review of the 1993 season that makes KF's postings sound Pollyannaish in comparison, James Bradley (club secretary at the time) grumbled as follows:

'Another year of relative mediocrity punctured by rare memorable moments. The 1st team ended the year in its customary 7th position (East League-Div 2), while the 2nds were demoted to Grade C, while the 3rds held their own (Grade C). The slide continues, but at least we've got 2nd and 3rd team derbies to look forward to next year: blood on the pitch may result. Anyway it won't get any better until club members decide that they want to play cricket regularly (a strange thought for a cricket club)' (emphasis added).

Note: according to this same Guide, a certain C. McGill apparently bowled 386.4 overs (!! 100 of them maidens!) in the 1993 season, taking 72 wickets at an ave of 14.8. ...surely 'all games'???

1sts back on track with win against Largo

Holy Cross sought to arrest a run of recent loses by entertaining Largo on Saturday, on what Charlie had a earlier declared a good track to bat on. EC duly won the toss and opted for a knock.

We started well with Chuckie and Spickers hitting regular boundaries assisted by a few extras. Going against KF's pre match prediction of three, Si was only dropped twice this week but didn't quite capitalise as he has done previously this season and was eventually caught, bringing the skipper to the crease. To their credit Largo's youngsters came on, tightened up the bowling and proved difficult to get away. Charles fell next after scoring a 54 of classy shots, bringing KF to the fore in about the 35th over, (no book I'm afraid) too late to break club records but he added a good 21 followed up by a quick 19* from Dougster. When the skip fell for a gritty, nuggety, determined 58 the late flourish failed to appear thanks in no large part to a hat trick from Thomason. A change of ends worked wonders for the Largo OA producing three good deliveries to remove EC, Bonfield and Bainbridge. After our quick start certain commentators thought 215 might have been a touch light but the skipper's view that the pitch was a bit tricky and that 215 should be fine proved to be true.

Shanton and Charlie were the pick of the bowlers with Bonfield producing some superb deliveries and Chuckster on the spot for 10 overs. Both were rewarded with 2 wickets. The match was finely poised for quite some time but the required run rate gradually increased and when Spickering removed Thomason with a quickfire stumping things appeared to be going our way. Kinnear batted through with a good 66* and despite a good few catches going down ourselves Largo wickets fell and tight bowling from Dougie, Andy K, The Doctor and occasionally from Bainbridge left the Fifers needing 8 - 10 an over from the last 10 overs. It wasn't to be and we ran out victors.

I haven't got the figures but between the wides and no balls there must have been a huge amount of extras in the game. Credit to Largo for a good game played in the right spirit and some tight bowling from their youngsters (a couple of 16/17 year olds). It's always enjoyable to play against them and I'm sure we look forward to our visit to the Kingdom later in season.

Cross crash out of Activcity 20:20

On a sun drenched Newfield the Cross succumbed to Accies in the the newly named Activcity 20:20 (formerly Cow Corner).

Haven't got the book so details are scarce but on a very good batting track Accies posted 186 batting first mainly thanks to a very good innings of 73* from the wicket keeper No3, which included a big straight 6 off the advice of KF. 40 odd from the no4/5 and some very ropey ground fielding also helped them on their way to a decent but not impossible total.

Cross started well in reply with EC and Pickering making 20/30 odd each and we were in touching distance of the run rate after 10 overs. Wickets fell regularly and despite a 30 odd from Calum we needed a good partnership to emerge to keep in the mix. Unfortunately this didn't happen and we were all out for 150 odd.

Our midweek hopes now rest with the upcoming Masterton 2nd round and hopefully our luck will change.

Youthful Cross Prevail

Despite the rather muddy pitch we had an enjoyable friendly vs the Muffers in a a match in which an attempt was made to break the record for the 'most people playing whilst smoking' (I counted five; though Coco -as usual-smoked enough for 11 normal men).

The Cross fielded an unusually youthful and athletic side - with a few Cross veterans (McGill, Lawrie, Bates, Ellis) making up the numbers.
Skipper McGill prevailing against Don Wilkie in the battle of the cantankerous er.. captains.

A fluent start from the inform pair of Nipun Metha and C. J. Ellis (both retired on 30) followed by other useful contributions from 'Psycho' Bates (as he is known to Muffers), Vikram and Nawaz took us to 144.

Good bowling performance with good spells from Vikram, Burgess, McGill (adding to his long list of international victims), Bates, Nipun, and particularly Nawaz kept Mufs to just over a hundred -despite some fine striking from one of their openers (Anand Venkatesh). (Though he almost fell to an attempt for catch of the millennium from Andy G/J Pope-they attempted something along the lines of: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jWO5MO8z4ks )

Some good keeping from Ken -including a nice stumping (!!).

BTW can the person who borrowed my bat at the weekend and put a rather large crack right through the middle of it....