Dear Skipper

I started writing an email to our new 1st XI skip to pass on some of my questionable wisdom, but then realised as it got longer and longer that I probably send something like this every season to every new captain. On re-reading it, it occurred to me it probably applies quite well to our other new skippers too. So I hastily set about deleting some of the names from the less flattering anecdotes and post it now on our esteemed website for the perusal and belittlement of all and sundry. In future I can just send all new captains a link to this soon to be seminal piece, on cricket captaincy. Happy hacking, hackers!!!

New 3rd XI regime, Nostradamus gives it until May

Skip!!!

Congratulations again, I'm looking forward to seeing how you do. I'm usually ambushed in at the AGM as VC for new skippers, as my psuedo-philosphical approach to leadership seems to be seen as having been half decent when I was captain. Personally I think it was just because the boy before me was a health conscious non-smoker with authoritarian tendencies.

Stating what I hope is obvious, I'll be available for as much or as little advice as you feel you need (if selected of course).

Hopefully some of the following bletherings will help prepare you for the ordeal to come.

I loved the on-field stuff like field placings & bowling changes etc, but other things (availability, weather, incompetent umpires, cheats (perceived or otherwise) etc) tend to be less enjoyable aspects. I think you need a degree of confidence in your abilities/decision making and I suspect you will be reasonably sure of yourself. But I don't think you can judge how good/bad someone will be until they actually do it and even then, I suppose their 'performance' is only a matter of differing opinions really.

I remember starting off with great, fresh expectations, but I can guarantee this team/club will frustrate the heck out of you at times. For some reason, like the rest of us you will somehow see this as charming. You inherit everything rather than starting from scratch and some of this may ultimately stifle some of your good intentions.

Also, absolutely do not forget, the views of the 2's and 3's must be taken into account (i.e. there might only be 15 bowlers available one Saturday so each team needs 5 and in the balancing you aren't necessarily always picking a best club XI in the 1's so you can ensure each team has enough bowling. That sort of thing. As 1st XI skipper you're also club skipper really, so have to try to see it from 2's and 3's perspectives (which can, sometimes, to their total annoyance, be pretty tough to empathise with).

Availability will do your head in!!!

On-field-wise, my approach, as I alluded to earlier, I like to think is quite philosophical. You will make some unbelievably inspired decisions and you will totally cock up as well. Make sure you take the credit for the former and blame the bowlers for the latter. Just got to try to do more of the former. But even then, firstly, there is nobody who knows what the right thing to do is every time and secondly, even if there was, you can do everything right but at some point their number 11 hits a Shanton wonderball for 6 to win the game with your best catcher tipping it over the boundary exactly where you put him. You won't have all the answers, you won't get it right a lot of the time, but you've got to take what you already have and know, apply it as best you can, and hope that more often than not it works. And obviously learn from any mistakes.

Some other random general rules I bore in mind or realised during my incumbency:

• Seldom listen to bowlers. In all seriousness. They are usually only seeing it from their 6 balls perspective. You are in charge of the whole game. They might think bowling 6 snorters at a rabbit has some worth and it's the rabbit's fault for not being good enough, whereas if you get Dougie to bowl a half tracker that the bunny can sky to the keeper, I'll take that every time. The smarter chuckers certainly know more about actually bowling than I do and what's best for them in the context of their own tactical approach at removing a batsman. Its a lot about knowing what you know and judging if its better or worse/more or less applicable, than what they know. Mostly the non-bowler will know best!!! There is nothing worse than someone who bowls one long hop an over refusing to let you put a man on the square leg boundary. In their head they're Glenn McGrath. I definitely experienced reluctance, or in one amusing instance outright hostility (from Worsnop) to the skipper changing 'their' field settings. In their defence, I think this is mostly because they had rarely if ever played under what they would see as a decent captain. Once they saw I wasn't just blindly fiddling, I think the mutual trust grew to the point I could tinker with fields as I saw fit. Of course its a democracy, but you are still the ultimate decider. Saying all this, my first question before a bowlers spell would usually be 'what do you want?'. Greatest ever bowler to walk onto the field, answered correctly the first time I ever asked him, "I don't mind, it's up to you" - Gaz T v Watsons 2011. His wisdom made him 6-39 as I built a keeper-point slip cordon with our 10 men while our absent skipper snoozed off a hangover. Case closed methinks.

• Decide what you are best at, where you should field/bat/bowl and stick to it. Too many captains start slipping themselves down the order.

• Be patient. I recall in a game v Heriots, they were something like 120-2 of 25 overs with a top bat at the crease chasing our 220. I was quite confident that if we just kept going as we were, we'd get a chance or two with the good batter and they had a long tail even although on paper they were coasting. When we were switching ends between overs, I remember Bonnie Prince Charlie sort of pleading/berating with me to do something and gesturing with outstretched arms. I replied something like 's'cool man, keep the faith, all under control' and in the end I think they were about 205 all out. Whose to say we mightn't have skittled them for 150 if I'd done things differently or if they'd have won by 8 wickets instead. All you can do is back yourself and hope you are right more often than not. This game was also notable in the career of El Presidente as he bowled the first and last over of the innings.

• All your best players will instantly become unavailable, indeed, some seem to go missing altogether, however they will all be replaced almost immediately by a new raft of talent who you will view with suspicion for opting for Arbo over the various majestic clubs and grounds that surround us.

That's all for now,

May the farce be with you.

Was this really only 18 months ago???

They don't write them like this anymore.

And was this really only 9 months ago?

2nd's v Penicuik (away)

Me next Saturday (Dougie keeping wicket)

When the 1's played at Marchmont a week past Saturday, I inside-edged the fastest ball of the season (at any level) onto my shin. It smarted somewhat (understatement) and has been playing up through various sizes and colours ever since, even necessitating a lovely wee trip to A&E (160 mins processing time, sort it out Broonster) to enquire as to the completeness or otherwise of the shinbone (technical term) last Monday evening (after 2 nights of drinking had failed to mend the injury).

Therefore I had to sit it out last weekend.

Even a strangulated text from the hero of the selection process claiming we were struggling for numbers (tell me something new) couldn't break my resolve. I was fairly confused about the enquiry "will you be fit enough for the 2's then?". Is anyone?? What is 2's fitness exactly??? Does 'Unfit for cricket' = '2nd team regular'????

In the meantime, the 3's game was abandoned a day early and so the availability issues must have eased.

Serendipitously the 2's were visiting my home village of Pennycook, somewhere underneath Edinburgh on the border of The Borders. Splendid I thought. A few cheap sherbets in a lovely setting whilst our battle hardened veterans smoted the countryside whippersnappers. The teas are usually well worth plundering too. All good. Might be worth getting injured more often...

As you drive up Kirkhill Road, you get a glimpse of the ground through the gate, before you pass the wall, view the field and then the scoreboard. As I passed the gate I caught site of a baggy green in the field. Must have won the toss looking to blast the home team to smithereens. Clever!!!

Past the wall and a quick neb at the scoreboard - WTF - PCC 40 odd for 1 chasing 61. Good grief, gadzooks and once more, WTF. I was out the car and hopping round to the scorehut faster than you could say Oscar Pistorius. Hector, a permanent fixture in the Penicuik scorehut, long ago christened 'Hectors Hoose', showed me the damage. Some of the top order had reached double figures, then the home side cheekily introduced a spinner called Pace who took 5-for and ripped through the Cross tail. Superted and all!!!

"Missing a few regulars?" Hector politely enquired. "Eh nut" I responded counting at least 7 bona fide 2nd team regulars in play.

My eyes didn't deceive me either, there were only 10 men. If the 3's were off, and the 2's had 10 men, and McGill wasn't one of them, it could only mean one thing. Yes, Colin McGill was surely deid. Reeling from this news I was distracted as the Cross made a breakthrough and a team mate of mine from my previous life at Kirkhill, Cliff Hutt, was sent back to the huttch (so sorry) by Lord Admin. Could our spinner now match the earlier feats of Mr Pace?

No, no he absolutely could not!!!

In no time Penicuik had passed the total. The only actual part of the play I can recall is the final ball when the scores were tied, bowled by Lord Admin. It arrived at the batsman about spam height and was hatcheted in the direction of midwicket. The batsmen didn't even need to run. Later, as I rammed a mini sausage roll into my gob, I enquired after Lord Admin "what was going on with that last ball ya fanny?". To which his Lordship responded "I thought if I'm ever going to bowl my wrong'un, that was the time". So next seasons Division 5 batsmen, you have been warned.

All over by 4pm.

After almost witnessing such a terrible performance, with some amount of trepidation I asked "are you guys safe". Being a serious situation, the actual meaning bypassed the downhearted troops, "oh yes" said Smujinder, "we've won all our home games and lost all our away games". Fortress Arbo indeed.

And which fate had befallen poor Coco??? It was more gruesome than I could ever have imagined. He'd been drafted into the 1's!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Something Else Fishy

A pike & two googlies

In another of what may now be characterised as an occasional fishing/cricket cross reference, I thought I'd share this Prize Letter of the Month from September's Cricketer magazine.

~

Toby Codd, Devon County Under 13's captain, earned a place on The Cricketer's Honours Board earlier in the season with a magnificent hundred against Isle of Wight. He rates another mention, for an altogether different reason, following his dismissal against Hampshire U13's at the ESCA U13 County Festival at Kings College, Taunton. Codd went fishing outside off stump and was snapped up by Hampshire keeper Alex Bass off the bowling of Robert Pike, resulting in the unusual piscatorial entry:


Codd     c Bass    b Pike 2

Action from Activcity Finals Day

Relive the heartache from Sunday's 'Snatch defeat from the jaws of victory' final including the last ball drama online now at Broonster's Facebook

In the Semi, the Cross put Morton to bed with overs to spare. All the action is here!

Final Ball Drama with Old Friends Marchmont

[By E. C. Smith]

Gone was the beautiful sunshine from Saturday to be replaced by a slightly more overcast day at Myreside. However, pitch conditions looked good and all four teams were eager to take advantage of the rare opportunity to play on a national league pitch. The ActivCity ‘finals day’ pitched favorites Marchmont and Holy Cross against lower league opponents in the form of Drummond Trinity and Morton.

Inserted into bat by Morton, Holy Cross recovered well (after the early wicket of Keith Fraser) and pushed to around 60 after 10 overs. Although not capitalizing fully on this position Holy Cross got to a respectable total of around 125, helped by thirty odds from Owais and Charlie and a very elegant 18 not out from Vikram. Highlights of the innings included 2 towering sixes from Owais which was a sign of the pyrotechnics to come later in the day!

The instructions for the second half were to bowl quick and straight in the search for early wickets and ‘Aussie Pat’ duly obliged with a season best of 5-4 off his 4 overs! After Morton’s top order had been ransacked the result was never really in doubt but some good catches and disciplined support bowling meant that Morton were dismissed for around 60. While this was a resounding win for Holy X credit must also go to Morton for the spirit they showed and the variety and skill of (in particular) their bowling attack.

This not only led us into the finals against Marchmont but also to a hearty tea which included prawns which were devoured with remorseless vigour by c.g.j mcgill (I was impressed)! Captain E. C Smith then repeated his ‘tactic’ of losing the toss and we again found ourselves inserted onto a quickish (but lowish) Myreside track. What then happened was a stellar batting effort spearheaded by Owais who moved to fifty not out off around 10 overs, leaving the score at around 75-1. At this point Owais began to struggle with a leg injury but that did not prevent him carving a succession of Marchmont bowlers for 4’s and 6’s to all corners of the ground. It truly was a majestic effort and he found able support in the form of Pickering, C, Ellis and Keith Fraser, with Holy Cross closing their innings on 152-3.

While we knew this was a score that was around fifteen runs over par we were also aware of the threat posed by a Marchmont side which included recent recruits to support the experience of Collier, MacGregor and Sardesai. McGregor and Collier got off to a solid start and hit enough 4’s to make sure they were not too far behind the rate after the first few overs. However, a good catch on the boundary by Keith (from the bowling of Shannon) brought top league run scorer Matt Loeffen to the crease. The danger man was keen to get on with things and could have found himself run out early on before he started to pepper the boundary - Mazher style! The overseas man got to 36 in triple quick time but a good catch by Charlie, off the bowling of Dougie, saw him dismissed around the same time as MacGregor – with the score on around 75-3 off 11 overs.

Although slightly behind the rate, at this point, the experienced Sardesai manipulated the ball well behind square and made sure his team were not too far behind the curve. However, he was out going for one shot too many and his dismissal brought captain Sam Peachey to the crease with 60 needed off the last 6 overs. The captain produced an extraordinarily composed innings and resisted the temptation to go for suicide runs, whilst still pushing the Holy Cross fielding to its limits. He also started to find the boundary with increasing regularity and his potence was such that the Marchmont men required only 9 to win off the last over.

Aussie pat was given the task of dragging the impetus back in our direction and produced some fine deliveries under pressure. However, he was very unlucky to see an inside and outside edge cost 6 runs off two balls and a rushed leg bye left Marchmont one run off victory with one ball remaining. Pat then produced an exceptional delivery which was too good for the batsman (and the stumps) but Marchmont pushed through for the run with Simon’s throw missing the stumps by about an inch.

This was an incredibly exciting game played in the best of spirits and congratulations must go to Marchmont for a thrilling run chase! While there was no official man of the match award this surely would have gone to Owais whose innings of 93* was stamped full of swashbuckling quality.

Thanks also to the organisors of the tournament and to Colin McGill for doing the scoring in both matches. One that we will have to reluctantly put down to experience and take what we can out of in advance of Wednesday. Little doubt that if we produce the same sort of performance on Wednesday we should get the right result to reward us for what has been a very good season!

As with Sunday, all supporters are welcome with the game starting at 17:45 at Newfield…

Brief Evening News report here.