dont PANIC.

Frazerio says calm doon, its business as usual

This current Ashes might seem like a bewildering reversal of the form book to some, but I've rustled up a whole bunch of solutions to the predicament that 'England's' 'finest' currently face.

These do not emanate from within my own brain however, instead I have dredged internet comment sections to present Flowery with a range of options.

Bat Belly at 3

Send for Colly

Drop Pietersen, Prior, Anderson & Swann

Don't drop Pietersen, Prior, Anderson & Swann

Take the captaincy from Cooky to let him concentrate on his batting. Replace with Broady

Pick Rankin and tell him to bowl as fast as he can

Drop Cooky down the order

Why the panic? Johnson only bagged 5 tail-enders and a couple of out of sorts batter chaps

Send for Straussy

Bairstow for Prior, no debate, internet unanimous

Now that Australia have been lulled into a false sense of security...

Patience, Cook & KP are just one innings away from a score

Stop all this 'Finn is unpickable' nonsense

Send for Brian Close

Dear Skipper

I started writing an email to our new 1st XI skip to pass on some of my questionable wisdom, but then realised as it got longer and longer that I probably send something like this every season to every new captain. On re-reading it, it occurred to me it probably applies quite well to our other new skippers too. So I hastily set about deleting some of the names from the less flattering anecdotes and post it now on our esteemed website for the perusal and belittlement of all and sundry. In future I can just send all new captains a link to this soon to be seminal piece, on cricket captaincy. Happy hacking, hackers!!!

New 3rd XI regime, Nostradamus gives it until May

Skip!!!

Congratulations again, I'm looking forward to seeing how you do. I'm usually ambushed in at the AGM as VC for new skippers, as my psuedo-philosphical approach to leadership seems to be seen as having been half decent when I was captain. Personally I think it was just because the boy before me was a health conscious non-smoker with authoritarian tendencies.

Stating what I hope is obvious, I'll be available for as much or as little advice as you feel you need (if selected of course).

Hopefully some of the following bletherings will help prepare you for the ordeal to come.

I loved the on-field stuff like field placings & bowling changes etc, but other things (availability, weather, incompetent umpires, cheats (perceived or otherwise) etc) tend to be less enjoyable aspects. I think you need a degree of confidence in your abilities/decision making and I suspect you will be reasonably sure of yourself. But I don't think you can judge how good/bad someone will be until they actually do it and even then, I suppose their 'performance' is only a matter of differing opinions really.

I remember starting off with great, fresh expectations, but I can guarantee this team/club will frustrate the heck out of you at times. For some reason, like the rest of us you will somehow see this as charming. You inherit everything rather than starting from scratch and some of this may ultimately stifle some of your good intentions.

Also, absolutely do not forget, the views of the 2's and 3's must be taken into account (i.e. there might only be 15 bowlers available one Saturday so each team needs 5 and in the balancing you aren't necessarily always picking a best club XI in the 1's so you can ensure each team has enough bowling. That sort of thing. As 1st XI skipper you're also club skipper really, so have to try to see it from 2's and 3's perspectives (which can, sometimes, to their total annoyance, be pretty tough to empathise with).

Availability will do your head in!!!

On-field-wise, my approach, as I alluded to earlier, I like to think is quite philosophical. You will make some unbelievably inspired decisions and you will totally cock up as well. Make sure you take the credit for the former and blame the bowlers for the latter. Just got to try to do more of the former. But even then, firstly, there is nobody who knows what the right thing to do is every time and secondly, even if there was, you can do everything right but at some point their number 11 hits a Shanton wonderball for 6 to win the game with your best catcher tipping it over the boundary exactly where you put him. You won't have all the answers, you won't get it right a lot of the time, but you've got to take what you already have and know, apply it as best you can, and hope that more often than not it works. And obviously learn from any mistakes.

Some other random general rules I bore in mind or realised during my incumbency:

• Seldom listen to bowlers. In all seriousness. They are usually only seeing it from their 6 balls perspective. You are in charge of the whole game. They might think bowling 6 snorters at a rabbit has some worth and it's the rabbit's fault for not being good enough, whereas if you get Dougie to bowl a half tracker that the bunny can sky to the keeper, I'll take that every time. The smarter chuckers certainly know more about actually bowling than I do and what's best for them in the context of their own tactical approach at removing a batsman. Its a lot about knowing what you know and judging if its better or worse/more or less applicable, than what they know. Mostly the non-bowler will know best!!! There is nothing worse than someone who bowls one long hop an over refusing to let you put a man on the square leg boundary. In their head they're Glenn McGrath. I definitely experienced reluctance, or in one amusing instance outright hostility (from Worsnop) to the skipper changing 'their' field settings. In their defence, I think this is mostly because they had rarely if ever played under what they would see as a decent captain. Once they saw I wasn't just blindly fiddling, I think the mutual trust grew to the point I could tinker with fields as I saw fit. Of course its a democracy, but you are still the ultimate decider. Saying all this, my first question before a bowlers spell would usually be 'what do you want?'. Greatest ever bowler to walk onto the field, answered correctly the first time I ever asked him, "I don't mind, it's up to you" - Gaz T v Watsons 2011. His wisdom made him 6-39 as I built a keeper-point slip cordon with our 10 men while our absent skipper snoozed off a hangover. Case closed methinks.

• Decide what you are best at, where you should field/bat/bowl and stick to it. Too many captains start slipping themselves down the order.

• Be patient. I recall in a game v Heriots, they were something like 120-2 of 25 overs with a top bat at the crease chasing our 220. I was quite confident that if we just kept going as we were, we'd get a chance or two with the good batter and they had a long tail even although on paper they were coasting. When we were switching ends between overs, I remember Bonnie Prince Charlie sort of pleading/berating with me to do something and gesturing with outstretched arms. I replied something like 's'cool man, keep the faith, all under control' and in the end I think they were about 205 all out. Whose to say we mightn't have skittled them for 150 if I'd done things differently or if they'd have won by 8 wickets instead. All you can do is back yourself and hope you are right more often than not. This game was also notable in the career of El Presidente as he bowled the first and last over of the innings.

• All your best players will instantly become unavailable, indeed, some seem to go missing altogether, however they will all be replaced almost immediately by a new raft of talent who you will view with suspicion for opting for Arbo over the various majestic clubs and grounds that surround us.

That's all for now,

May the farce be with you.

Was this really only 18 months ago???

They don't write them like this anymore.

And was this really only 9 months ago?

Stuttering Cross through to Indoor Finals night

Score from Wednesday's re-scheduled LiveSport ESCA Indoor 6s matches:

Boroughmuir 115-2 : Tranent 55
HX (GT, CJE, Simon, Dougie, PVB, Pat) 95-3; Boroughmuir 59 all out
HX (GT, Simon, CJE, Dougie, KF, Pat) 61 all out : Tranent 50 all out

[further details from PVB to follow]



Perhaps not helped by KF's slight lateness...well he only missed one game... HX struggled in both matches. At the 15 over stage (matches are 10 overs per side) we were 2nd favourites in both matches but held our nerve better than our opponents.
Undoubtedly we also had a few moments of fortune, including two very near sixes that would have seen Tranent beat us, and a few '50: 50' decisions..

Cheers to PVB for stepping in...who was then kippered by Dougie...

Simon's Ist match for HX didn't start too promisingly...1st baller (was a decent shot-just picked out sq leg) but pulled it round: looking good in his 2nd knock, some good keeping, key wickets and a fine catch to clinch the game vs Tranent. Key to that victory-in all due fairness to KF -were three sharp catches behind the stumps.

After having a rather easy 1st evening, it was perhaps good preparation for Friday that we had such tough games. Tranent seem to have picked up some talented young players-watch out for them this season.

Scorecards (courtesy of PVB):

Holy Cross beat Boroughmuir by 36 runs

Holy Cross
Charlie Ellis ret 29
Gary Trewartha not out 31
Simon McOscar c midwkt b Boyapati 0
Dougie Russell not out 19
Pat Lynch run out 0
Paul Bailey run out 4
Extras 10
Total 95

Ram Boyapati 2-0-12-1
Harris 2-0-9-0
Njranjan 2-0-20-0
Ashish Talreja 2-0-31-0
Chaitanya 2-0-18-0

Boroughmuir
Ashish Talreja no 27
Ram Boyapati lbw Ellis 15
Harris  ? 1
Neil Craigmile b McOscar 10
Njranjan Siddegowda b McOscar 0
Chaitanya  run out 0
Extras 6 ( 3 wides, 3 leg byes)
Total 59 all out (8 overs)

Pat Lynch 1-0-1-0
Gary Trewartha 2-0-22-0 (2 wides)
Dougie Russell 2-0-14-0 ( 5 dot balls off the first 5 balls of his 2nd over)
Charlie Ellis 1-0-10-1
Simon McOscar  2-0-10-2 (1 wide)

Holy Cross beat Tranent by 11 runs

Holy Cross

Gary Trewartha b Amjad 9

Simon McOscar run out 7

Charlie Ellis ct ? b Hoenigmann 10

Dougie Russell st Craigmile b Fahad 3

Keith Fraser  not out 17

Pat Lynch c ? b Waleed 3

Extras 12

Total 61 (8.2 overs)

Amjad 2-0-27-1

Waleed 1.1-0-10-1

Hoenigmann 2-0-10-1

Fahad Nadeem 2-0-3-1 (First 11 balls were dot balls – 1 scoring shot)

Paul Dance 1-0-10-0

Overs

1 13-0

2 23-0

3 37-2

4 43-3

5 44-4

6 48-4

7 51-4

8 61 -4

 Tranent

Imran c Fraser b Russell 21

Aiden Hoenigmann c Fraser b Trewartha 0

Waleed Hassan not out 17

Paul Dance c Fraser b Russell 0

Fahad Nadeem c Fraser b McOscar 0

Amjad c&b McOscar 3

Extras 9

             Total 50 (8 overs)

Pat Lynch 1-0-3-0 (1 wide)

Gary Trewartha 2-0-17-1 (1 wide)

Charlie Ellis 1-0-3-0

Simon McOscar 2-0-10-2

Dougie Russell 2-0-14-2

Overs

1 4-0

2 8-1

3 11-1

4 25-1

5 38-1

6 41-1

7 42-3

8 50 all out.

AGM news: Back to the future for 1sts as Russell/ Fraser takeover

Headlines:

*New 1st XI Captain for 2012 - Dougie Russell with Keith Fraser as vice.
*Norrie Webb retains his 2nd XI Captaincy status with Andy Quinn elected as vice.
*It's the status quo for the 3rd XI dream team with Ken Lawrie and Andy Graham as Captain & Vice respectively.
*But, as ever, those with real power and influence stay put.

Imposter



Poetry in motion



Hey fans, I've been given access to our hallowed site!!! No more sanitised articles from your favourite scribe!!! Full on slander from now on...

However, in this day and age, when imposters abound in cyberspace, I've stumbled across something truly appalling on t'internet. For the sake of clarity, I have to ensure all my fans know that this link is not me!!!

http://mysun.co.uk/frazerio

Safety 1st XI

I must admit to being totally bemused by this but KF has insisted I post up a list of his favourite players.

1. Gordon Greenidge (WI)

2. Rowan Ash (Turks & Caicos)

3. Hashim Amla (SA)

4. Floyd Riefer (WI)

5. R Blunt (NZ)

6. Darren Ganga (WI)

7. Low Chong Wei (Singapore)

8. U Budd (Ire women)

9. Herb McGirr (NZ)

10. Kemar Roach (WI)

11. Ashish Nehra (Ind)

12th Man: David Hemp (Hampshire and also Bermuda).

KF wishes to thank the CSOA for their assistance in compiling the list

Cross Twitter

To coincide with its 5th anniversary Holy Cross are now on Twitter at :

http://twitter.com/HXCricket

This ought to prove useful during the season for keeping track of scores etc.

should you wish to contribute to the feed, leave a comment here or email me-and I'll give you the log-in details.

Scotland vs England: June 19th

Details of the BBC coverage here:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/cricket/counties/scotland/8744032.stm

With the weather set fair Crossers will have to follow the game via their (wind-up) radios.