Handbags

It's a cause of ongoing bemusement when non-cricketers come up with that old 'its a gentlemans game' chestnut. In my experience contests epitomised by sporting behaviour and gentlemanly conduct are rare enough to warrant a special mention in match reports whilst the more regular incidents of 'bad behaviour' (or should that be perceived bad behaviour) are swiftly expunged from public view by Lord Admin's lawyers on a Sunday morning.

Was it just five days ago that the virtuous upholders of sporting integrity, the Australian cricketing public, were so worked up by a cheating Englishman, Mr Stuarty Broady, the man who once edged it and didn't walk - OMG strike him down before we're all infected - that they booed his every public appearance and in some publications even refused to print his name. Before those boo's could even die down, their skipper is fined for making a "sick taunt" (quote from the Daily Mail). For some reason belittling England with the game of cricket alone wasn't enough for the 'bantering' Clarke. To quote our great Prime Minister 'calm down dear'.

With the kids down under embroiled in a full-on game of handbags, it made me think of some of the greats of the past and how to really noise up the oppo.

The current tourists predicament brings to mind that of the 1974/5 touring side who sent an SOS to the 41 year old Colin Cowdrey. Two days after arriving he walked out to an ovation at the WACA. "How good to meet you" he said to Jeff Thomson who replied "That's not going to help you fatso, piss off".

Rewind to 1954 as the young Cowdrey prepared to disembark on his first Ashes tour. Frank Tyson saw "a spare stooped old man, dressed immaculately in a pin-stripe suit" telling Cowdrey "When you reach Australia, just remember one thing - Hate the Bastards!!!"  He spoke with such vehemence that Tyson asked George Duckworth who the old gent was, "That was Douglas Jardine".

Both sides as bad as each other?

The wisdom in these situations of course is if you can't take it, don't dish it. In 2003 Australia's favourite metronomic wicket taker lost the plot in spectacular fashion playing the Windies in Antigua. Setting the tone for misbehaving cricketers nicely, Shane Warne missed this one after failing a drugs test, reportedly taking a pill his Ma had given him to help with his appearance (source - the internet)!!!!

As the hosts chased down 418 in the 4th innings for victory, McGrath began utilising the breadth of his intellect to try and unsettle Sarwan. After a few overs of concerted hatred including repeated use of the word 'pussy', a bog standard retort provoked McGrath into a fit of rage ""If you ever f*****g mention my wife again I'll f*****g rip your f*****g throat out!".  Oooh-err. Chuckle at McGrath's precociousness as he bleats to the umpire about how wronged he has been with this now classic passage of footage.

Vik takes aim at Bonfield after another fraught  net session

Talking of Aussie fast bowlers, it hardly gets much better than Lillee v Miandad.

"Hello my goodness" exclaimed Tony Greig as Miandad retaliated with his cudgel after Lillee kicked out. Botham said later of the two notorious cricketing rascals "what happened at Perth was going to happen somewhere".

Almost makes one all nostalgic for those long past East League encounters with the likes of Cramond, Fauldhouse, Heriots 2's, Stew/Mel 2's, Accies...

PS: I don't think Call me Dave is very great at all.

The Crumbling Face of Italian Cricket?!?!?

Anyone requiring cheering up for the weekend need look no further!!!

After the grim snapshots of the erse end of our decrepit and crumbling institution please enjoy this much more uplifting photo of the erse end of another decrepit and crumbling institution clapping his peepers on the Danish PM.

If this doesn't make you laugh, nothing will.

PS: Her name is Helle Thorning-Schmidt.

McGill's youthful Midweekers Master Mud

As ever we had a close an enjoyable game vs C & B - despite the wet pitch and the gloomy evening
(not helped by some classic HX tardiness which delayed the start of the game unnecessarily by 15 minutes.......yes guys, you are free to put out flags, tables etc...). The HX XI featuring 5 players under the age of 25....though two of these were Corstorphine CC players.

Some solid batting - with some good boundaries also struck. Followed up by some good bowling (Osama and Suli the pick) and some lively fielding: Ossie, Osama and Nawaz constituting a rather more athletic cover field that usually seen at Arbo.. two good run outs resulting.

Good knocks from Halcrow and Anwar in the gloom (plus Michael's traditional 1 over spell) set up a tight finish-C & B needing 4 off the last ball to tie-was well struck by Daniel but straight at the fielder.

Holy Cross 126/6 (20 overs)
C. Ellis 45 (27), S. Malik 20 (22), V. Gaware 15 (12)
K. Crichton 2/26, Kaeside 2/30

Currie and Balerno 121/5 (20 overs)
G. Halcrow 50*, F. Anwar 30. Kirk Crichton...2nd ball duck..

Joy for Vikram as CJE takes desperate measures to ensure McGill's Midweek Men earn first win

In the second midweek friendly of the season McGill's mongrel horde managed to defeat Edinburgh South by circa 40 runs at Arbo.

Batting first Vikram notched his first career 50 with some customarily healthy blows. Despite a not out innings containing several big 6's the highlight of the innings was a spectating CJE being press ganged into open. Without kit he opted to use McGill's box (older than most HX players), his fitness for Saturday is currently under review. Oh, and he got 40 odd. Runs also for Ross and Gary impressed with bat and ball.

In reply Cross shed players throughout the innings finishing with 8 on the pitch and your author making his first and final appearance with the gloves (still better than my batting). Tight bowling meant Edinburgh were always behind the run rate and with McGill taking his 1901, 1902 and 1903 career wickets (2000 by the end of the season?) we won in the twilight.

Another Twenty: 20 Twatting

Aug 3rd at Arbo. 20 overs per side -Friendly match.
Scottish Widows 165/3 (E. Robertson 69*, R. Hannah 45, A Greigson 23).
Holy Cross 122/4 (A. Quinn 40*)

The disdain felt for this vulgar form of the game by HX players was evident in a poor performance against Scottish Widows*. The Widows' batsmen played well but were assisted by some inaccurate bowling and f***ing awful sloppy fielding. Their 165 was well over par given a fairly dead used strip.

A promising HX reply was ended in the 7th over when both openers - Nipun (unluckily) and cje (to a stupid shot)- fell to their leggie. His was not the only embarrassing dismissal-Bainbro and Vikram falling to to Scott Miller's gentle lobs. An acceptable score was attained through a good 40* from Andy Q and 20 odd from Andy K.

*Given this it was good to see that two members (EC Smith and S. Pickering) of the President's commission examining our approach to Twenty:20 cricket were in attendance-and taking copious notes.

Midweek Crossers Bitten by Pirani in (Yet Another) Last Ball Thriller

Coco signals to BAF that there's one to come in
the over.

In an entertaining and good-natured friendly (the last of the season) at Arbo:

Edinburgh South 120ao (19.3 overs)
A.Lal 24, P. Reddish 26
R. Bainbridge 3/9 (2 overs)
C. Ellis 3/20 (4 overs)

Holy Cross 117/7
R. Bainbridge 16
C. Ellis 64*

After the early bowlers struggled to control one of Coco's special swinging balls, we kept them to a par score. After an early collapse (44/5 off 10), we recovered and eventually required 10 off the the last over to win. However, talented all rounder Amin Pirani bowled it well and we were unable to get him away (needing 4 from the last ball, we could only scramble a single).

Highlights of the game include Michael's first ever run (punched through straight midwicket) before being welcomed to the Cross ranks in the traditional manner (getting run out by a member of the Ellis family), and Calum's lofted drive (though he forgot that he needed to run for balls that only look like they're going to the boundary).

Lowlight was - after being controversially given out stumped by the keeper standing back - McGill's 'foul mouthed tirade' (in which none of the main swear words were overlooked) directed at the umpire (BAF).

Thanks to ES for an enjoyable game and for providing sub fielders for those who didn't turn up...
(come on chaps; these games are an excellent way of finding form before league games).

McGill's (7) Midweek Men defeated by OCs

I'm reliably informed the by man pictured (left) that the Midweek team (of just seven*, with Michael of the rugby club sub-fielding) lost to 9 OCs, including ex-Crossers Dominic Mason and Willie McIntyre (before my time, so check spelling Mr Admin).

At Arboretum.

Holy Cross 134/5 (20 overs)
After the openers (Pickering and McGill...) fell early, Bainbro with 42* (giving another nudge to the selectors...) and the returning Rupert Barker with an undefeated 50 batted well.

OCs 135/5 (19 overs)
No bowling performances deemed worthy of note (perhaps Coco got some tap??). Colin was sorry to report that D. Wilkie (playing for the Cross) was dismissed first ball and conceded 'about 50' from his three overs.

* This a pity given that these games are a useful way of getting 'middle time'. The next midweek game is next Tuesday against the Muffers. who are likely to field a fairly strong side.