Old Regime Clings to Power

....AGM Headlines.

Despite the 'Ring of Steel' surrounding the Arbo Green room, the following information has leaked out (via some associates of Julian Assange, posing as Inverleith Rugby club bar staff) from yesterday's HCACC AGM :

All office bearers and captains as before, apart from these new appointees:

Norrie Webb 'elected' 2nd XI captain.

Andrew Graham 'elected' 3rd XI vice-captain.

There are further unconfirmed reports that the President's annual 'great speech' lasted a mere 4 minutes-2 hours less than at the previous AGM. Some Crossologists have speculated that this may indicate a loss of authority-or weakening resolve. Certainly coded references to the need for 'new blood' by the 3rd XI captain and outbursts by the deposed 3rd XI vice-captain suggested that the balance of power within the club leadership is somewhat unsettled. The absence of several key figures (the Minister of Information, the Minister for Bread and Circuses, the Head of the Standards Commission, and the Vice-President of the Safety Committee) is believed by some to be 'highly significant' and may indicate that a coup is imminent.

Crossers on shortlist for Government Advisor Post

Matthew d'Ancona (political correspondent at the London Evening Standard) reports that:

'David Cameron has been telling senior Cabinet colleagues that the Coalition must get much better at "pitch-rolling": that is, preparing the ground adequately before the first over of any political cricket match is bowled'.

No. 10 is currently searching the nation for experienced pitch rollers and two of our club members have been mentioned in this context on an influential political blog (no, not Broonster's).

They are this man and this one.

After CJE's latest revelations, here's more unlikely news....

More women turning to work as lapdancers because of Tory cuts, claims ex-barmaid in the Daily Record

Admittedly, it may boost our votes in May, but this has as much credibility as the Tranent story.

C'mon Charlie - get it sorted out fella!!

Lovely Sporting Fellows Wanted

The Club has received an e-mail from a leading local "dating and introduction agency" -

We're putting on a special post valentine (sic) offer and thought we'd email you lovely sporting fellows and let you know about it. We are offering a 20% discount on our classic membership. If anyone would like more information about the offer, please don't hesitate us. (sic)

If any lovely sporting fellow does want any more information, please don't hesitate Mr Admin (sic). Discretion guaranteed. No jokes about bowling a maiden over, please.

Goodbye Traitorous Scum

Official club statement regarding the following ex-Holy Cross players: D. Russell, R. Bainbridge, M. Brown

Following certain revelations about their disloyalty to the Cross (revealed here), the President has decreed that these fifth columnists be shunned-or (in keeping with the President's preference for classical reference) ostracized.

Please do not fraternise or communicate with these persons (do not even enter into email or 'text' correspondence with them-or play golf with them).

Thirds in successful legal action

Members of the Holy Cross 3rd XI have succeeded in getting the BBC to revise this article.

In relation to the sentence beginning 'A group of former gangsters...' their legal team have managed to get the BBC to add the word 'possibly'....

Hello, this is your President calling...

Greetings, citizens. At this time of year we like to have a little get-together called the AGM. This is the annual opportunity for the plebs (that's you) to vote to have our more pathetic generals hurled from the Tarpeian Rock, and to elect their glorious successors to carry the standard into victorious battle. You will also have the opportunity to elect sundry eunuchs and scribes to positions of bureaucratic influence within the court, err, club.

Needless to say some of the more senior elections will be, how should I put it, "technical" procedures (and given the quality of the candidates I'm seriously considering appointing my horse as Club Captain), but you should still take advantage of the chance to have more mortal underlings thrown to the lions - it's such fun.

In the spirit of Bread and Circuses I have decreed that this year's event should start later than usual, at the fifth hour of the afternoon, so that we can all make a dash for the nearest taverna - to celebrate the deposal of the old captains and mourn the appointment of the new ones. We may even sample some exotic cuisine from the valley of the Indus. I hope this festive opportunity will result both in a very high turnout and in unusually rapid progress through the agenda.

As primus inter pares I am looking forward to giving every one of you the chance to buy me a drink. Now bring on the sword-swallowing midgets, before I simply die of boredom...

AGM etc

The 2011 agm will be held at Arbo on Saturday 19th February, starting at 5pm. The President intends to have a few beers afterwards and would appreciate as much company as possible.