Meadows Mayhem.

Andy G reports on a 3rd XI victory at the Meadows. A Shame the '1sts' couldn't do the same on Wednesday.

After negotiating the start of a pre season hockey match on Thursday night the #fuds managed to gather 11 for Saturday’s epic tie against Watsonians.

After much emailing on Friday morning we obtained the crucial information that vegetarians were not  allowed in Watsonians which meant we could crack on with the inspired idea of a BBQ and beer cricket day at the Meadows. Elmo became available late which meant we had a real south African braai!

Anyway, after organising folk to bring meat, some of the highlights - Parker with his lemon and pepper marinated chicken wings, Elmondt had procured a large south African sausage and Mark and I brought our chipolatas as well as soya sauce pork chops. I must admit it was a pretty impressive feast!

So whilst Parker’s chicken was marinading overnight we decided the thing to do was go for a few drinks – in order to be able to bat well the following day. Parker, me, Henton, Elmondt, Mark and Alex were all out – therefore guaranteeing runs and wickets according to the Holy Cross 3^rd XI laws of cricket.

We ended up in Garibaldis till 2.30am – with my girlfriend’s dad who is 62.

Great night out …

The next day, with some sore heads, we descended on the Meadows to find an unmarked, unprepared wicket. Watsons were happy to play which was great. Fag buts were used to mark out a crease and some plastic cutlery was pulled out of the stump holes and we were good to go.

I went out for the toss – hoping to bat second so we could finish off the beer and eat what remained of the BBQ but the Watson’s skip won and stuck us in. Alex opened with Mr Hopkinson. It seemed like a good idea, Alex would get some good time at the crease and Greg is the classiest bat to feature for the 3s since Richard Ellis. 

Unfortunately the partnership was a short one. Two balls into Alex's innings he was bowled by a 12 yr old. At first he proclaimed that the young man was swinging it both ways, then cutting it in at a 45 degree angle, save to say the only thing that was at 45 degrees was Cruickshank who was bent over laughing at Alex's shot!

That brought Dave 'the bin-raker' Coaton out of the traps. A drive through extra cover started his scoring and it was looking good. Greg then fell for 19 ... Bowled

I then came in to bat with Dave, this could be an exciting partnership – led by general banter and captain 3 runs. It started really well, 21 runs off 3 overs but it was over when Dave nicked it into the keeper’s gloves.

This brought Parkie out to the green green wicket. Watsons brought on a young off spinner at the Marchmont end – this made the leg side boundary about 3 feet away from the square and the off side boundary about 100 ft away – not the smartest end to choose from the young lad against 2 hockey players. Fair to say we capitalised on this … our partnership was 62 off 7 overs then Parkie was bowled.

This was the second funniest wicket of the day. Pitching just outside leg and travelling further down leg Parker tried to defend it but missed, it then hit his pad, his foot and rolled slowly onto the stumps tickling the bails off. He stood for a few seconds, gave a look of bemusement and disgust... then walked off.

Cruicky came in as cheery as ever, in the first three balls we ran 8 runs, at which point the garibaldi’s specials caught up with us and mark exclaimed that those would be the last of the 3s. The next shot was definitely a 3 but Mark refused to run them at all.

The partnership flourished, Mark played some actual cricket shots and I even got a 4 through the covers with a back foot drive! Unbelievable.

With Mark and me trotting along nicely I got my ton  and was given permission from Mark to have a swing! Not that I was going slowly before we were going at 8 an over! At the 28^th over they decided to bring on their 9^th bowler, 4, 2, top edge straight up – 4 12 year olds look like they are about to collide but a booming voice of the old boy who was the 9^th bowler got shot of them pretty quickly. He clutched it and I was gone. Out trotted Craig Wright – duck! 2^nd in 2 competitive games for the Cross.(he did score a few mid week against Grange cricket in the hockey v cricket game).

Jamie Johnstone have never scored a run in competitive cricket then hit 16 – including a huge 6 over to Jawbone Walk! Elmo finished not out and the funniest dismissal of the day was Matt Henton at no 11.  He took middle, took a good stance then preceded to leave a ball that pitched in line and hit the middle of middle stump!

Hiliarious and a good finish to a cracking innings 291 all out with 2 overs to spare!

We then had a cracking BBQ and then it started to rain … boooo!

So we took to the field and mucked about a bit as the ball got more and more out of shape – after 5 overs it looked like smudge’s dog had had his way with it!

Coco opened well but with no reward getting 0-13 off 8. Henton opened at the other end but because we thought we better tie up the 20 overs quickly to get a result he ended 3-16 after 4. Parker came on at the other end getting an lbw with his first ball – inspired captaining! 

We held 1 catch through Craigy Wright at point, pretty tough one too!

Craig ‘im a batsman’ Wright replaced Parker at the 20^th over he bowled darts – very similar to shifty – and was rewarded with the last wicket – coco did drop one and parker another!

Elmo was superb – 4 wickets for 2 runs – would have had 5 wickets for 0 if Coco could catch!

Anyway onwards and upwards – smellies will be difficult no doubt! But with captain Mcmonagle at the helm im sure we’ll be fine!

Beware the lesser spotted hoodie

Cricketers in the East of Scotland are asked to be on the lookout for a rare type of hunting bird which can impersonate other birds and cause havoc on a Saturday afternoon.

The bird is the Amjid Lesser spotted hoodie, and it was spotted at Campbell Park recently, where it donned bat and pads and reached the crease before the real batsman could beat it to the crease; it is thought to have attended cuckoo school to learn its impersonating skills, but has declined the course in simple arithmetic.

Last year it was spotted many times by twitchers in Western Union cricket but in the East it first appeared in August 2005 when the eagle-eyed Carlton Forrest Crow spotted one at Academy Park. After that it seemed to migrate to Dunfermline for a few years before dying out there. Two-dogs fears it might emigrate to Spain and damage the tourist industry.

It has the ability to change its plumage to white and is such a swift bird that only the Red-footed Oumigoulie Geddesburd could possibly fend it off and beat it to the crease. Leading birdwatcher Ziggy explains: I’ve known some fast burds in my time and can tell you this Geddesburd gets to the wicket like greased lightening ; two years ago it beat the Cocococo bird to the crease before it could finish its 42nd cigarette of the day, causing it to sqwark a lot; other birds like the bearded lesser spotted Amjid wouldn’t be a match for it either, as the Fraserbird would attest; after all, the bearded lesser spotted Amjid is a lovely friendly bird but runs with the speed of a crippled snail and is the only East League bird ever to have been dismissed “timed out”.

The other problem with the Lesser spotted hoodie is that it rather likes to home in on the Chuckie bear-faced Lyre bird which is reputed to hang out at Arbo. It likes to b*gg*r the innocent Lyre bird, and even when the Lyre bird or Spickerhen appeals to its attacker, all one can hear is the hoodie squawking “outside off” or “going down leg” or “too low” or (when replying to the Penikuikaburra) “pitched on leg."

El presidente at Arbo, the Shifty Hawk fears that the breeding season may result in an epidemic of hoodies.

The local table tennis league have been advised to be on the look-out. To be sure it is a fearsome bird.