"Giants" Of Holy Cross Fail To Impress

Insanity

The UK's barmy smoking restrictions almost put paid to our valiant boys hopes in the Activcity Indoor 6's at Forrester High School on Friday night. More on that in a sec.

First up we were pitted against Division One new boys Edinburgh South and retro Crosser, the Good Doctor Astley!!!

HX: S McOscar, P Kumar, A Millington, T Archer, R Bainbridge, J McOscar.

With most of our team debuting in this format and a green skipper in Si McOscar, who sloppily lost the toss, we were put in and got busy running ourselves out (3 of the 5 wickets were run outs, although Bainbro still managed to miss a devious straight one as is his way and got bowled).

We tiptoed into the 70's with the highlights being Praveen clattering the first ball he faced for 6 and a decent tap by hot new signing Jimbo McOscar. But it wasn't enough and the Good Doctor eventually saw his team home with 4 wickets down.

I arrived to witness the last rites of this defeat and proceeded to read the riot act at our underperforming slackers. I was especially harsh on the skipper for losing the toss as our tournament survival now hung by a thread. Confusion reigned supreme as Praveen appeared set to make for home before we reminded him there was still a game to come.

Before long it was Game 2 and we were on against another former HX Leg End, S Russell's East Lothian County CC (aka Tranent). Simon paid heed to my barracking and this time won the toss, opting to put the oppo in first. But wait, there were only 5 bodies left. Praveen had indeed scarpered!!! Welcome to the captaincy Si and try and keep your troops in order!!!

With complete reluctance, I safely entered the arena, jeans and all.

Praveen as game 2 kicked off

Our chuckers set about their task of spraying down some leg side wides and when we realised we weren't going to get them all out inside 8 overs, it became apparent that I might have to bowl my 2 over quota.

Praveen re-appeared at this point. Turned out he'd simply nipped outside for a cigarillo and hadn't realised we were playing again straight away. If only you could smoke in gym halls, none of this would have been an issue!!! But I wasn't for budging from the game now especially with a chance to show the throwers how to bowl.

With obvious trepidation, the skip threw me the ball. Needless to say I found some prodigious swing and couldn't even keep the ball on the mat for the first couple of deliveries. But once I adjusted the seam I soon began to terrorise the Tranentians ending on 0-19 from two overs in a cameo that everyone there will surely remember until the day they croak. These figures would have been even better if Archer hadn't dropped the first wicket in what would probably have been a match winning hat-trick as the men from the East tried to find a way to cope with my 'variety'.

They made their way to 82 which if we cut out the run outs, should have been a breeze. However, the less said about our innings the better. Lets say our ringer salvaged things. Retiring once before returning as last wicket he plundered 39 (not out) partnering extras (mid twenties) whilst the rest of us failed to make double figures. We managed to reach the target on the penultimate ball (Milly turning one round the corner for 3) keeping our slim tournament hopes alive.

The other highlight was a call from a Tranent player as we floundered mid innings "come on lads, this'll be a giant killing"!!!!

Did I mention the dropped catch off my bowling???

There is an Indoor 6's link on the ESCA website. It hasn't been updated yet but I'm sure details will appear in due course.

Finally, for all the evidence based factboys, this picture of club stalwart McGill on his third last birthday is counter proof of the actual good that pumping chemical smoke into your lungs can do.

Happy Birthday Coco, here's to the next 100

Club About To Get A Whole Lot Uglier

As our former part-time skipper and easily the best looking dude on Planet Arbo (apologies Nozza) is about to take his winning smile to Madchester in pursuit of some golden shekels, I thought what better a time could there be to run through some photo's to remind us in years to come of his impact at our great club.

After leaving university, E.C. launched his crooning career via the star making vehicle X-Factor, the show we all know and love. With the surname Smith already taken, E.C. had to come up with something snazzy and chose to adopt the psuedonym Joe McElderry.

Fame came with its downside though. Often seen around the city in his little red 'rooster' extension the ladies began to swarm all over our innocent hero. Despite his apparent happiness in the photo above, these smiling eyes hide the pain of a man looking for more than 365 different lovers a year (?). Bad times and persistent hair loss were just around the corner.

Celebrities queued up to get a piece of the action. Here is our former skip in 2009 with Fauldhouse counterpart Gok Wan. Relations cooled when Wan criticised the size of our man's shovels during a Tea Break. Fellow first teamers of the time are still unsure if this is the "psycho bird" he used to refer to around this time.

Here is our departing friend cosying up to the ex-wife of sabbatical wicketkeeper, Si Hackering of Geordie Shore fame. The pair have always denied tabloid claims that they "did it in the boot of Smudgers Volvo" although alleged cctv footage does exist of nocturnal goings on in the 'Arbo container'.

In 2007 the Smith clan were rocked to their foundations when a long lost son of Smudger appeared. Here is E.C. with his half-brother D.J. Like Papa Smudger, they share a love of Barry Manilow, facial hair and crack cocaine.

Once the celebrity lifestyle spiralled out of control, close friends, family and Crossers were shocked to see the above photo appear on the front page of the now defunct News of the World. Summoned by El Presidente to the Green Room for urgent talks, E.C. agreed to leave the vacuous pop world behind and apply himself to the game of cricket.

Now crooning purely for fun in his spare time, E.C. has rediscovered what makes him tick. Mainly this is repeating his one shot whilst batting, bowling comedy wides or belting out Manilow hits on the top deck of the 27 bus. Recently E.C. vowed 'never to take a catch again' and stuck to his promise with a rotten drop v East Academy.

That's surely enough for now folks. Although we've lost two young Smith's in as many months, when E.C. was reminded that our Constitution declares Smudger must provide a male heir for selection, E.C. quipped "I'm sure the old man's loins are still fertile".

On that note...

Maz drops bombs

[CA reports on the 1st XI match versus Marchmont- additional comments from CJE]

Arriving for the final game of the league season was largely similar to every other home game; the opposition all there, warming up, whilst various Crossers stood outside the changing sheds smoking and chatting. As ever, Charlie was setting everything up [GT was there too - and Mandy and Michael assisted too]. In fact Charlie and McGill were largely responsible for the game being on [the sunshine on Friday and Saturday helped too], both in terms care of the wicket all summer and in the last week.

On closer examination though, there were subtle changes. The flags had a uniform distance between them thanks to Gary T's debut on the flag distribution. He will learn that this makes for rather repetitive boundary golf. Other changes were that Euan and Keith were on time. Indeed, the opposition skipper didn't need to ask at least 3 times if the skipper had arrived yet [Pietsch asked 4 times..] Out they went to toss at quarter to 1 no less. Now the common cliche is to say that 'eyebrows were raised' when the opposition skipper wins the toss and chooses to bat. EC dispensed with the eyebrows [a quick trip to Roshan’s??] and said 'that’s not what I would have done' when the opposition elected to bat.

Bat they did and out came Macgregor and Sardesai to face new new ball [a new ball belong to Marchmont CC..] combination Bonfield and Trewartha. They were appropriately circumspect, with Aaron quickly on to a couple of short balls, MacGregor chipping away patiently, with them taking singles well when the opportunity arose. This combined with some sloppy fielding [any particular examples spring to mind?] meant that Marchmont made a steady start. They were on about 30 odd before Shanton got Aaron with an absolute beauty: swinging and then holding its line on a perfect length to just flick the top of the off bail and clean bowl his man. Breakthrough made and in came Loeffen, Marchmont’s gun player who has made plenty of runs this season [652 in the league in total]. He played and missed a few times early but also a played a few class shots, including a nice flick of his legs from Shanton. This nearly proved his undoing when he flicked one off Gary that fell just short of Dougie.

Macgregor and Loeffen saw off the openers and on came Charlie and Pat. Charlie didn't seem to be proving too difficult to play but Pat (notwithstanding one nice flick for 6 from Loeffen) was finding nice lines and exerting good control. Dougie replaced Charlie and bowled a beautiful spell. Straight from the off he was on the spot, bowling with nice flight and a lot of turn. He had a big shout turned down against Loeffen and Marchmont took drinks at roughly 75 odd for 1 - very much their session.

After drinks, Russell and Lynch continued and eventually Lynch got Macgregor LBW and suddenly things seemed to change. Peachey was out stumped; well bowled by Dougie [full bunger..? but it did drift.]. Collier who has had a good season came out and was caught by Lynch - a superb catch at a sort of fly gully. Someone described this as athletic; Pat has subsequently misinterpreted this as someone calling him an athlete.

Next up was urban street philosopher Keith 'Kay Eph' Fraser with a brace of catches. One a good one in a similar position to Pat's (he didn't make such a meal of it as he fell forward) and one at deep square leg (‘claimed’ by EC as he had posted Keith exactly there). Pat had bowled out (a solid 1 for 27 spell especially considering the marsh he was running up through) and Bainbridge came on at the Castle End. He induced Maksimyck to play on and GT, back on after Dougie had finished (figures of 1-30 not doing his spell justice) cleaned out Davi Sardesai with a yorker.

Throughout all this Loeffen was continuing nicely and made a solid 50. Number 10 came in, a big unit, and hit a few lusty blows. He smacked one straight back to Gary who (mostly out of self preservation) caught it before it re-arranged his face. Loeffen saw this as his cue to hit out and hit a big 6 before trying a repeat (perhaps to a slightly slower ball?) and skying one to the safest [KF ??] mid-off in Scottish cricket for a well made 60. GT finishing with 4 for single figures in his return spell.

A strange collapse from a Marchmont team that have had a good season. The scorecard reads; 33, 10, 60, 0, 5, 2, 0, 0, 0, 6, 0. These type of things used to be referred to as 'England style' collapse or, in the Green Room [circa 1998], as a 'Holy Cross style' collapse. Still, 131, although perhaps 20-30 runs short of what would be considered par, was still going to be a hard chase.

Owais Mahzer went out to bat sporting a grey Yankees cap in the style of legendary golden age MCer Rakim. Indeed, there has been some beef over who first used this 'look'. This feud has now been retired with Rakim agreeing to re-release the seminal single 'Shif - T for president (the Eric B remix)'. This will be used in the celebrations for the diamond jubilee of our Dear Leader. Out he went with Kay Eph and the fireworks started. After having a look for a couple of overs, Mahzer Maz started dropping bombs all over the shop. It was whack. Meanwhile Kay Eph was reflecting philosophically on his bat at the other end with the occasional spat out line. He 'spat up' a full length ball to mid off who [somehow] put him down [on a par with Big Pat’s dolly at Grange Loan]. Mahzer Maz eventually ‘nicked off’ to keeper for 36 off 28 odd balls [what was odd about them??] before stating something like 'I was jus gettin ma grove on' or 'just getting my eye in'. Still, braggadocio has always has had a role in hip hop culture.

In came Charlie (more Fresh Prince than Rakim) who batted with intent. Not only had the openers put on 50 odd with their fast paced rhymes but had used up many of the Marchmont openers' overs. The Fresh Prince and Kay Eph saw off the rest of Loeffen and Maksimyck and Charlie 'whacked' Davi Sardesai's first ball and basically took it from there. Scoring a well tempo-ed 62 whilst Kay Eph dropped the anchor (managing to see off an off spinner in the process (!)) and finished 34 no. The Fresh Prince playing some pretty 'fresh' shots (in the sense that they have not been seen before very often [fair enough…not in this country anyway...]) including a hoick over cow for 6 and two lofted drives straight for 4.

A 9 wicket win then means that we finish 2nd. A well deserved reward for a good season especially considering that we lost our first 2 games - we have gone 9 and 1 since then. Characterised by batting and bowling depth and consistency and backed up by good catching and (generally) high [KF again?] fielding standards. Its been good to have Marchmont back in division 1 and also congratulations to Fauldhouse who won the league and have gone this league season unbeaten - a notable achievement. Good luck to them in their play-off next Saturday. We have our final game (against Fauldhouse) in the President’s Trophy next Sunday at Arbo and all are welcome to support.

Sunday Bloody Sunday....but no inquiry needed - we were brutal!

Dunfermline was a bridge too far for this end of season clash for the depleted 3s who started the game fielding with 9 before Robertson Jnr answered the call to arrive 15 overs in to the game.

At 43-3 after 12 overs, the 3s looked useful with newly crowned Young Player of the Year and Most Improved Player of the Year Usama Shazad reaching 1 for 18 from his opening 6 overs including a Wicket Maiden. Akilesh took a wicket with his 4th delivery and without a brown envelope and a News of the World in sight, things were looking up!



Unfortunately young Scott Lucas, whose previous best of 79 not out, was on fire and this promising star of the future despatched many a bowler on his way to an excellent 103 not out.

Geddes, who made the long journey across the street to attend the game but arrived at 12.55, was in on the wickets taking 2-38 and Nevin - winner of the Worst Umpire Award the previous evening - also took a brace but for half of Geddes' total. McGill was left wondering what could have been, taking just one wicket for 41 runs.

In response, the Crossers took to the field following a fine tea for two, but they were either still in awe over the Lucas innings or forgot their batting strokes over the break.



Nevin and Lawrie both notching up singles before being clean bowled by David Timmins leaving Cross 4 for 2 - no Pakistan Agents in sight...



Roberston Jnr looked to go airborne with a Thomas Lucas (yip, he is Scott's twin!) delivery however he only managed to reach Wilkinson and it was back to the pavillion on 11 - double figures at least! Coco went in to keep Mahmood company, but it was Din-Dong for Timmins who added to his earlier scalp. Cross in trouble at 28-4!



Usuma came - and went for 4, caught and bowled by Scott Lucas and Geddes was following him back to the sheds moments later for a duck, caught by the Keeper with the faintest nick from a sweet S Lucas delivery.





Akilesh added a solitary score to the proceedings before being cleaned bowled by Wilkinson as a swipe and miss by the bat didn't miss the stumps!!



McGill was clearly not firing on full cylinders - perhaps basking in the glory of the Awards Night - and his innings of 20 was abrutly ended by Wilkinson.



So, the dream team was out there. Sandy Robertson & Broonster. The Holy Cross Broad & Trott. Or was that Laurel & Hardy? Robertson was already holding his own and continued to show why he has been a strong batsman over the years for the Cross.



Both he and Brown (1 N.O.)steadied the sinking ship to hang on in there and get another batting point before Sandy was finally broken on 13 by S Lucas who, at 3-20 was up there with D Timmins 3-19 for bowling honours.



Well, the curtain comes down on another Cross-tastic 3rds season. Whilst the result was understatingly disappointing, on a positive note, if Cricket Scotland can work with some of these kids and keep them in the game, the future of Scottish Cricket may well be bright!