Cricketing Colemanballs

[KF has passed on some mirth from a stocking filler…]

Nobody’s perfect, you know what happened to the last man who was, they crucified him. – Geoff Boycott

Geoffrey is the only fellow I’ve met who fell in love with himself at a young age and has remained faithful ever since – Dennis Lillee

I was never coached, I was never told how to hold a bat – Donald Bradman

Have nothing to do with coaches. In fact, if you see one coming, go and hide behind the pavilion until he goes away – Bill O’Reilly

Cowans should remember what happened to Graham Dilley, who started out as a genuinely quick bowler. They started stuffing ‘line and length’ into his ear and now he has Dennis Lillee’s action with Denis Thatcher’s pace – Geoff Boycott

We don’t play this game for fun – Wilfred Rhodes

We didn’t have any metaphors in my day, we didn’t beat about the bush – Fred Trueman

The slow motion replay doesn’t show how fast that ball was – Richie Benaud

The Queens Park Oval, exactly as the name suggests, absolutely round. – Tony Cozier

Welcome to Worcester where we’ve just seen Barry Richards hit one of Basil D’Oliveira’s balls clean out of the ground – Brian Johnston.

Eric Morecambe to Dennis Lillee – Are you aware, Sir, that the last time I saw anything like that on a top lip, the whole herd had to be put down.

So, how’s your wife and my kids? – Rod Marsh (to Botham)

You can’t have 11 Darren Gough’s in your side – it would drive you nuts. It would be like having 11 Phil Tufnells – Darren Gough

Aussie fans banner – England will win if Camilla Parker bowls.

Merv Hughes 5^th form geography report;

When Merv leaves school he is going to have to be very good at cricket and football.

I’d have looked even faster in colour – Fred Trueman

When asked what he looked forward to most after returning home after the Indian tour, Phil Edmonds replied “A dry fart.”

I can’t really say I’m batting badly. I’m not batting long enough to be batting badly – Greg Chappell

Cricket, like the upper classes and standards in general, is in permanent decline – Alan Ross, poet.

Cricket civilises people and creates good gentlemen. I want everyone to play cricket in Zimbabwe. I want ours to be a nation of gentlemen – Robert Mugabe

There were congratulations and high sixes all round – Richie Benaud

When we were living in Sydney a friend told me that one night, while she and her husband were making love, she suddenly noticed something sticking in his ear. When she asked him what it was he replied ‘Be quiet, I’m listening to the cricket’ – Vicky Rantzen

Denis Compton was the only player to call his partner for a run and wish him luck at the same time - John Warr

Neil Harvey’s at slip with his legs wide apart, waiting for a tickle – Brian Johnston

And finally…

What a magnificent shot. No, he’s out – Tony Greig