Follow the Leader

Our captains (and those currently plotting to take over from them)
may find this Radio 4 programme interesting:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b00x4018

lucky escape...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s93XgGOIyUQ

and some good umpiring too!

Cricketing Colemanballs

[KF has passed on some mirth from a stocking filler…]

Nobody’s perfect, you know what happened to the last man who was, they crucified him. – Geoff Boycott

Geoffrey is the only fellow I’ve met who fell in love with himself at a young age and has remained faithful ever since – Dennis Lillee

I was never coached, I was never told how to hold a bat – Donald Bradman

Have nothing to do with coaches. In fact, if you see one coming, go and hide behind the pavilion until he goes away – Bill O’Reilly

Cowans should remember what happened to Graham Dilley, who started out as a genuinely quick bowler. They started stuffing ‘line and length’ into his ear and now he has Dennis Lillee’s action with Denis Thatcher’s pace – Geoff Boycott

We don’t play this game for fun – Wilfred Rhodes

We didn’t have any metaphors in my day, we didn’t beat about the bush – Fred Trueman

The slow motion replay doesn’t show how fast that ball was – Richie Benaud

The Queens Park Oval, exactly as the name suggests, absolutely round. – Tony Cozier

Welcome to Worcester where we’ve just seen Barry Richards hit one of Basil D’Oliveira’s balls clean out of the ground – Brian Johnston.

Eric Morecambe to Dennis Lillee – Are you aware, Sir, that the last time I saw anything like that on a top lip, the whole herd had to be put down.

So, how’s your wife and my kids? – Rod Marsh (to Botham)

You can’t have 11 Darren Gough’s in your side – it would drive you nuts. It would be like having 11 Phil Tufnells – Darren Gough

Aussie fans banner – England will win if Camilla Parker bowls.

Merv Hughes 5^th form geography report;

When Merv leaves school he is going to have to be very good at cricket and football.

I’d have looked even faster in colour – Fred Trueman

When asked what he looked forward to most after returning home after the Indian tour, Phil Edmonds replied “A dry fart.”

I can’t really say I’m batting badly. I’m not batting long enough to be batting badly – Greg Chappell

Cricket, like the upper classes and standards in general, is in permanent decline – Alan Ross, poet.

Cricket civilises people and creates good gentlemen. I want everyone to play cricket in Zimbabwe. I want ours to be a nation of gentlemen – Robert Mugabe

There were congratulations and high sixes all round – Richie Benaud

When we were living in Sydney a friend told me that one night, while she and her husband were making love, she suddenly noticed something sticking in his ear. When she asked him what it was he replied ‘Be quiet, I’m listening to the cricket’ – Vicky Rantzen

Denis Compton was the only player to call his partner for a run and wish him luck at the same time - John Warr

Neil Harvey’s at slip with his legs wide apart, waiting for a tickle – Brian Johnston

And finally…

What a magnificent shot. No, he’s out – Tony Greig

KF on the Ashes 2010-11: (Part 3)- Ponting Buckles

[KF's latest Discharge-sent on 27/12/10]

“Ricky’s actions as captain of his country were unacceptable.”

“He apologized for his action and stated that he has nothing but respect for the umpires.”

Don’t you just love press offices. What a load of Bull.

We’ve seen the tantrums before of course, most amusingly with Gary Pratt’s 15 minutes of fame and just like football managers with similar compunctions, it’s always when taking a beating that they take particular umbrage with the officials. It’s never the fault of the captain or manager or players themselves.

I understand the Punter wants another crack at the Ashes in England. Try not to chuckle. It can’t be up to him any more. He’s fast becoming an embarrassment, as are the team he claims to have picked (from the 12 names he was given?!?!). Taxi for Ponting methinks.

I’ve been harping on about Australia picking unfit players through this whole series. As soon as Punter broke his finger dropping a catch at Perth, it was almost inevitable he wouldn’t be fit for Melbourne, but say he was, then show he wasn’t. And so it came to pass. I would be surprised if he hasn’t got more big ton’s in him at Test level, but they are increasingly fewer and farther between.

My previous piece of journalistic jocularity identified the dangers of winning the toss in this series. Seems I misinterpreted the trend, which wasn’t winning/losing the toss, but actually batting first. The question might be ‘who is worst at setting a 1^st innings total?’ While England haven’t been up to much in this department, like most things in this series, the hosts have been much worse. 98 all out on Boxing Day!!! Compounded by Strauss/Cook making 157-0 straight after!!! This must be rock bottom for the baggy greens. Too much for Australia’s paying public who voted with their feet in no uncertain terms long before the end. If you’re going to bray for pommy blood when McGrath/Lee/Warne/Hayden/Gilchrist etc are in their pomp, try giving Hughes/Smith/Doherty/Hilfenhaus some support when things aren’t going so well. An amusing aside, Xavier has more series wickets than Homehelp.

Sad to watch (I claim to myself to be neutral). When this series has erred into genuine competition it’s been really good. Most of the rest has been English pundits not quite knowing how to report the first time since at least the 1980’s that England have been genuinely better. Usually they’re claiming Imperial superiority after a session where, say, Hayden & Gilchrist were restricted to 220 runs off 27 overs in fog on a farm track. Now that their team are sticking it right up their tormentors, they can’t seem to bring themselves to say outright (Boycott aside) exactly how superior they are. Too many false dawns in the past temper any triumphalism, but when its so obviously a bright sunny day now, why not just say what you see? As I believe I’ve been saying since the Ponting/Haddin toys out the pram (Ponting, huff, really???) in the 2^nd test. Incidentally, it was Haddin again stoking Pontings petulance (and subsequent official rebuke) in this Test claiming a catch when Watson at 1^st slip didn’t go up for it at all.

Who knows what the Aus XI will be at Sydney (Dregs, Chucker, Huffy??). Will any Aussies fans even turn up? Who will be the captain? England have ran out of good records to beat. Australia keep getting worse.

My only advice to them now is to play the next series in Perth and bat 2^nd every time. Just remembered, this Test is only two days old. I’ll be accused of counting chooks again. Well I’ve counted mine and I’d recommend you count yours.

A spot of nostalgia

A look back at the 3rd XI reports from 2006, usually written by Crawford or his fine deputy Alan.

Here is the final table followed by the first game of the season: I'll add more if anyone reads this and wants more.
====================
Division 7
Team P W L T Points %
Cask & B 17 13 4 0 285 83.82
Fauldhouse 2 16 12 4 0 257 80.31
Livingston 2 16 11 5 0 255 79.69
Cramond 2 17 11 6 0 268 78.82
Edinburgh 3 16 9 7 0 211 65.94 1 default
M/DAFS 3 17 7 10 0 210 61.76
Holy Cross 3 17 6 11 0 189 55.59
West Loth 3 15 6 9 0 165 55 2 defaults
Dunbar 17 5 12 0 161 47.35 2 defaults
Clacks C 2 16 2 14 0 100 31.25 1 default

========================

EDINBURGH CC – 30 April 2006

Hi guys…

First game of the season and nice to see the whole of Holy Cross with good availability.

A beautiful day yesterday for cricket, and interesting to see the Venue of Campbell Park for the first time, which is surprisingly good. Nice facilities, and a decent pitch…..far outstrips what the Meadows can currently offer.

After winning the toss, we put Edinburgh 3’s in to bat, and although we started well, their batting strength soon showed as they posted a formidable 172 all out against us. Although that looks like a large total (Well…it is…doesn’t just look like it), it doesn’t say how many balls they put in the air that could have gone anywhere, and it doesn’t show the effort put in by what must be one of Holy Cross’s youngest ever bowling attacks. (Not including Richard Ellis, obviously J )

Sulaiman Malik, as ever, returned fine figures with a fine first spell, and got the final wicket upon his return for his second spell, Hamish Peddie bowled very well indeed for a couple of wickets, but vice-captain Alan Matthews returned the figures of the day with 4 for 29. (Couple of obligatory inswinging neck high full tosses in there as well).

Sulaiman Malik: 5.4o – 1m – 21r – 2w
Alan Matthews: 9o – 1m – 29r – 4w
Hamish Peddie: 6o – 0m – 23r – 2w
Osman Malik: 4o – 0m – 42r – 0w
Richard Ellis: 9o – 1m – 20r – 1w
Qasim Malik: 5o – 0m – 30r – 0w

After a nice tea, our reply was a little unfortunate with the loss of a number of early wickets, and compounded further down by some bizarre running between the wickets giving Edinburgh three Run Outs. However, Edinburgh bowled very tidily indeed, and are a very competent side, pressing what advantage they’d gained, and winning the match as the Holy Cross reply ended on 100 all out.

Strangest moment of the day coming during our batting with Sulaiman lifting a shoulder high full toss (given immediately as a No-Ball) straight up in the air….when I say straight up, I mean basically about a foot and a half away from Sulaiman. Unaware where the ball had gone, Sulaiman charges of down the wicket, while his skipper watches the ball sail up, knowing quite happily that his opening bat is quite safe, and not out when the keeper catches it. You can imagine the surprise when the skipper turns and sees his batting partner standing at the same end as he is. After a very brief exchange of glances, the skipper trudges off in what can only be a described as a selfless display of gallantry and heroism, allowing his young opening bat to continue on his path to a glorious maiden half-century….which he would have done had his cousin Qasim not run him out not long afterwards.

Again, some positives to be taken from the batting, with Sulaiman battling for a very nice 43, the skipper discovering where the middle of the bat is, and scoring the most of his runs in the space of three deliveries, and Hamish Peddie again looking very useful with the bat as well.

Mike Nevin - c&b for 1
Sulaiman Malik – Run Out for 43
James Bailey – Bowled for 1 (Unlucky too…very very nice ball)
Mahmood Din – Bowled for 0
Richard Ellis – Bowled for 0
Paul Bailey – Bowled for 3
Crawford Mackay – Run Out for 15
Hamish Peddie – Run Out for 9
Qasim Malik – Bowled for 3
Osman Malik – Caught for 3
Alan Matthews – Not Out for 3

Extras 20

Total 100 All Out

Clearly, it appears we have issues with the ball hitting the stumps when we’re batting J

Nice effort guys, and given the performances yesterday, I think we’re going to be fine this year….the score didn’t quite reflect the game.

Cheers,
Crawford.

World Pub Arm-Wrestling Championships - Bearded Cross Horticulturalist Victorious

As you will have noted, the editorial board's cunning plan to goad KF into resuming his reporting career (by announcing AJQ's appointment as Chief Test Match Cricket Correspondent) has worked and Keith has been in fine form.

This left us with the problem of how to retain Andrew's services. What plum assignment could he be given? What glamorous sporting event could he cover?

We scoured the sporting calendars but to no avail as the feeble winter sporties were flummoxed by a little snow and cancelled everything. (Cue memories of playing through the snow in a 1990s pre-season friendly against the University at Peffermill ...... ).

Then, as Mr Admin was finalising the arrangements for winter nets, inspiration struck - indoor sport. So Andrew was despatched to the borders of Stockbridge the Saturday before last, where he observed the following -

Last night I met up with a number of Holy Cross teammates for a drink in the St Vincent. Our most recently-acquired resident Aussie, Pat, had been drinking since 3pm, possibly in an attempt to numb the pain of being 1-0 down to the Poms in the Ashes.  I'm not sure it helped.  He repeatedly stated that on paper, the Aussie team is better than England's.  Cue raised eyebrows all round, and several discussions on mental strength vs talent, and how much easier it is to be mentally strong when playing in an outrageously talented team.  Highlight of the evening may well have been an arm-wrestling bout between Smudger and Shifty (see above), the prize being the captaincy of the first XI in 2012.  Not entirely sure whether the winner or loser got the prize...

Pat seems to be in good forecasting form. Perhaps we should add him to the roster too ......

KF on the Ashes 2010-11: (Part 2)- Australia on the Verge of Winning back the Ashes!

[KF's latest piece of Ashes Analysis]

As promised, I quote from the end of my ‘article’ of two weeks ago “I always said Australia would win back the Ashes at a canter”.

Finally, we have a contest. From oblivion and hopelessness, the clichés of grit, determination and a few lorry-loads of obnoxiousness have returned to the Australian cricket team just in the nick of time.

What a very strange series. Every single toss so far has been a great toss to lose. In the first Test, Strauss struck the first psychological blow by winning the toss and batting, then poked himself in the eye by giving his wicket away third ball. Match drawn. At Adelaide, Australia won the toss on a batsman-only pitch, batted and were 2-3. England won. England won the toss at Perth, stole a march on Ponting who had picked a bowl first team, put them in, then proceeded to wilt in the face of Australian aggression. Australia win. Let’s see what happens at the MCG and Sydney but losing the toss would appear to be quite important.

Elsewhere, the show ponies and prima donna’s, the players with more ability than Charlie and Coco combined, the guys who need to perfect their hair before taking the field, the top level match winners like KP & Mitch apparently require the axe to bring them to their senses. Pre-series, KP was chopped. When he returned, it didn’t take him long to carve out a Test best. If England’s top 3 score tons, KP somehow feels he must do even better. If they fail, no pressure on him, he can seemingly fail too.

Meanwhile, every English commentators favourite Aussie quick, Mitchell Johnson, batted and bowled in the 3^rd Test so immensely well that it seems to me more of negative against him considering how atrocious he was in the 1^st Test. Does he really need to be dropped to force him to perform like that? It’s one thing to be below par, then re-find your form. It’s entirely different if you go from utterly hopeless to best ever in the space of one performance. Quite beguiling with shades of Botham when he lost the captaincy. But Johnson’s incredible improvement was almost all Australia needed to win this test. His batting in the first innings was the most entertaining and devastating knock of the series so far, I’d even contend it eclipsed his magnificent bowling destruction which knocked England batting confidence back about 15 years. Do the Aussie selectors have the cohoonies to claim credit for his resurgence? Even a stopped clock…

Now, after consulting with Captain Hindsight, I’d like to do my usual ‘I know best’ spiel. Would there be an improvement on the last test when Hilditch & Co picked 4 injured players (Clarke, Katich, Bollinger, Harris) and a nonentity (poor old Xavier), so effectively playing with about 6 players? Only just. They refused to listen when I called for Marsh and D Hussey. Instead they picked Hughes (14 runs) and a still unfit Clarke (24 runs). They persist with Watson as an opener (45 innings, 2 hundreds). I think in M Hussey (42,000,000 runs and a series average of 8876.99) they have a ready made series winning opener (in all seriousness, 99 innings, 13 tons), leaving Watson to come in at 6 and batter England with no responsibility. Imagine a Haddin/Watson 6^th wicket partnership or two!!!! As for Marsh, he has no Tests to state a proper case for him, plus, he’s not usually an opener. But for sure he’s fitter than Katich at the moment and I’d liken Hughes to a powerful outboard motor attached to a colander. The holes in Hughes game are remarkable for a 50+ pre-3^rd-test average (although its now below 45). He may come again, but now isn’t his time. I was happy to see Steve Smith (43 runs), but couldn’t believe he appeared above Haddin at 6. And it was good to see a recall for Johnson, who should only have been dropped if there was better to come in, which there so obviously wasn’t. I’d have picked Bolly (Test ave 25.92) ahead of Hilfenhaus (Test ave 34.04 and 1-68 in the 3^rd Test). The only selection I’d accept I got wrong, was that of Harris who ignored my fitness question marks to be a worthy inclusion who played an important part in equalling the series, albeit at a slower pace than in Adelaide. Since he’s a bowler, I’ll leave his comedy batting alone for now.

As for England, are they just a victim of the shifting tides of sport? You simply can’t win them all. We are always told that getting to the top is the easy bit, it’s staying there that’s difficult. The difference in performances between Tests II & III show a drastic lack of consistency (arguably you could say this has been the case the whole series), the trademark over which they shall have to do battle with Johnson. They were beaten far too easily for a team that had just won so easily. But who could have coped with such a fired up Johnson in particular and Australia in general?

Pre-Test I felt Tremlett had to come in for Broad. However, after in depth discussions with ol’ Captain Hindsight, feel that Bresnan should also have appeared at the expense of Finn. Neither Finn or Tremlett could replace Broads experience and I’m arguing age ahead of actual Test experience may have been more in England’s favour as a Broad replacement. I’d still suggest Tremlett/Bresnan for the 4^th Test ahead of Finn.

In the 4^th innings, you may have noticed, that not only was Bell (this series 76, 68*, 53, 16) still below Collingwood (4, 42, 5, 11), he was actually at 7 below JAMES ANDERSON too. This sort of decision should be a sackable offence. Stupid, stupid, stupid!!! Bell must now move up to 5 and Collingwood must perform with the bat asap or make way. I’ve heard folk talk about getting the 1 percenters right. Moving Bell up would be a 10 percenter!!!!

Now for the leftfield suggestion. Why not drop KP for Melbourne? Using the Johnson example, this should ensure an England victory when he’s (inevitably) recalled for the 5^th Test. This would mean England win the 5^th Test and therefore the series, no matter what happens at the MCG. You can read too much into a speeding ticket in a bright yellow sports car, but if these prima donna menchildren need their shiny toys taken away from them before they perform like adults, then so be it. We might see them less, but when we do, they’ll come out all guns blazing.