Webb posting

by KF. If you thought I had too much time on my hands with the Safety 1st XI, what about this?!?!?! Listeners to Off the Ball on a Saturday lunchtime (the self proclaimed 'most petty & ill-informed football show on radio') will know that hosts Cosgrove & Cowan often have a dig at TV chef Gordon Ramsay. The foul mouthed one has gained a bit of a reputation for talking himself up and maybe being a bit liberal with the truth, the most famous of his claims being his alleged previous career as a Glasgow Rangers footballer. I can't help but see similarities between Chef Ramsay and tipped-for-the-top Cross youngster, Mr Norberticus Webmaster. Here is a comparison of their respective claims to fame. See if you can pick out the fact from the fiction.

Education

Ramsey was expelled from school on the 2nd day of Primary 1 after learning some cuss words from boys in P2.

Webb was so bright at elite Fettes College that all records of him attending and his stunning achievements have since been destroyed so as not to dishearten subsequent pupils. Preferring to stay incognito, Webb actually ran the UK by proxy for a while around the turn of the century using his former chauffeur at Fettes (A. L. Bliar) until that night in 2003 when Tony won at poker with two Chemical Ali's in his hand (is this one a bit too contrived or obscure?). Norrie says "that Bliar just couldn't be trusted".

Business

Ramsey runs a michelin starred establishment in the heart of London

Webb owns a national car dealership (motto: Any model, any colour). This involves him 'sourcing' cars to order from any part of the UK at bargain basement prices. He will even deliver straight to your door. Say no more eh Norrie;) For further details, see 1st team skipper. Rumours of an escort business with the same motto are purely tabloid tittle-tattle.

Sport

Ramsey once played a reserve game for Rangers.

Webb routinely trounced Stephen Hendry at snooker in his teens, but as soon as he started getting discounted pints in his local boozer, soon lost interest in the green baize hence the disparity since in World titles. If only Norrie wasn't so handsome!!!

Alcohol

Ramsay invented Gin.

Webb claims never to have to pay the actual price of a pint when he visits a pub. Usually there is a discount, but occasionally it can cost more. It all depends on the barmaid serving him of course. But alcohol has no effect on Norrie anyway.

Film

Ramsey co-wrote Mystic Pizza with his half brother Derren Brown.

Webb, after revolutionising boxing with his Rocky series in the 70's, Norrie stayed out of the limelight for a while before winning oscars for writing, directing and starring (in all four leading roles) in 90's cult hit Trainspotting. What a talent.

Internet

Ramsey invented the internet whilst at Stanford taking a year out from Harvard but allowed his then dishwasher Berners-Lee to take the credit.

Webb came up with the name for websites allowing the dropping of a 'B' to save printer ink and overall typing time. A sharp business brain, he ensured he gets 0.01p every time someone uses the term 'website'.

Wealth

Ramsey is 2nd equal on Scotlands rich list alongside Hedge Fund mogul Sir Jonny Bates.

Webb is Scotlands richest man but never tells anyone this. What a guy.

Charity

Ramsey sponsors England opener A Cook.

Webb unlikely as it may seem, is actually A Cook's Daddy.

TV

Ramsey often swaps recipes with Delia Smith

Webb claims Delia's famous tv 'Lets be 'avin ya' rant was a direct on air chat-up for her suave Scottish lothario who was sourcing a nice motor in Norfolk that very night. What a player!!!

Thats enough for now....

more info about this mysterious character can be gleaned from his er...informative blog:
http://norrie-holycrosscricketclubcom.blogspot.com/