KF on the Ashes 2010-11: (Part 1)- England Win the Ashes!

'With legendary reporter-cum-controversialist KF otherwise engaged composing unfeasibly tricky quizzes, the editorial board has sought long and hard for a new Chief Test Cricket Correspondent'

KF has not taken this challenge lying down but -rather than sending a team of heavies armed with baseball bats to Bellevue Chapel- has spent the last two nights preparing this:

As the teams left the field at the end of the 1^st day at Adelaide, two of Australia’s three players to turn up so far (the other being Hussey), effectively conceded this Ashes series to England. After being pasted for two days at Brisbane, then rolling over for 245 after winning the toss in a batting paradise, the frustration for Ponting and Haddin spilled over into quite embarrassing verbals. It appears that the Aussies felt Strauss & Cook had time wasted at the end of the first days play, finishing on 1-0. In what is fast turning into complete humiliation for the home side, the Aussies should be looking no further than themselves and their blanket ineptitude before attacking one of the finest England sides ever to contest an Ashes tour. To take overs or time out of the game, I’m afraid England’s batsmen are doing Australia a favour, for as soon as the cricket gets underway, the hosts, one partnership and one hat trick aside, are a complete shambles.

Whilst, to an extent, I’m excusing Ponting, Haddin & Hussey, the former has had a golden duck and been unable to affect the game through on field captaincy and the other two have already dropped catches (just three innings into the series). These are Australia’s best players. Watson, probably the 4^th best home player has failed where Cook has excelled. Test openers getting 50 per match aren’t worth as much as one who converts into hundreds. Is Watson a Test opener? Asking that question alone suggests doubt. Katich (injured finger) gave his wicket away without even facing in the first innings whilst so asleep it boggles the mind. Ponting, notoriously vulnerable early in an innings seems to need to take a beating before fighting back. His quick 50 in the 1^st test was too little, too late, inconsequential even. His golden in the 2^nd test was worryingly unsurprising for such a ‘great’ player. Where was the 50 in 40 balls when his team needed it? At 4 there is a patently unfit Michael Clarke. He is unable to bowl, but supposedly fit, unable to bat (11 in 83 balls while its runs galore elsewhere), never mind the 1^st test, at Adelaide it was a matter of time til he succumbed, doing well to reach 2 with a rabbit in the headlights stroke that fended a short one off down to fine leg. And when he’s dropping regulation slip catches (at Brisbane), picking him is both unfair to him and stupid for the team. Hussey, one drop at gully aside has held his own, same goes for Haddin.

At 6 there is a batsman who doesn’t score runs. What else needs said? Johnson at 8 in Brisbane turned in as inept a performance as you’ll see in Test cricket post Harmison. He had to be dropped. But only if there is an able replacement. He looks like he needs cricket, yet I see he’s doing 12^th man duties at Adelaide?!?!? Siddle, who I think should bowl 1^st over for Australia has been very hot and very cold. A great hat trick and 6-54 followed by 40-7-140-0. Hilfenhaus has bowled not much worse, just without the 6-54 taking 1-142 at the Gabba. Leaving the worst for last, it’s a shame for any Ozzie spinner because they’ll all be compared to Warne and fall short. Xavier Doherty , hilariously included to directly counter Pietersen (bats 4, Eng 517-1 dec) barely turns the ball, has average control and its difficult to see why he got one cap (ahead of Hauritz), never mind two. His two wickets so far have been James Anderson, then Ian Bell who was last man out when hitting out. Since then 0-207. I’ll leave his below par fielding performance alone. I don’t even think he’s as good a bowler as North.

The cunning plan for the 2^nd test was to drop Hilf & Mitch and add Bollinger & Harris, both short of games and fitness doubts. Harris looks to me about the equivalent of Bresnan. And he was given the new ball!!! Is he better than Siddle, Hilfenhaus, Johnson or even a 35 year old S Clark? If anything illustrates the gulf between these sides, this must be it. At the time of writing, this new look attack has England rocking at 317-2 with batting records of all descriptions being obliterated. It is dark and desperate times for the hosts and if the 13 players we’ve seen so far are the best they can produce, England and their fans are in for a sun kissed bonanza. Australia must drop injured players now (Clarke, Katich) and need another bowler because, stating the obvious, they aren’t taking wickets. They also need to inject some of that unquantifiable Aussie spirit. If not Cameron White whose seems to struggle at Test level, then I’d get Steve Smith straight in. What he lacks in ability, he more than makes up for with attitude.

Not one to criticise without suggesting alternatives, here is my Aus team in order. M Hussey, Marsh, Ponting, D Hussey, Watson, Haddin, Smith, Johnson, Hauritz, Siddle, Bollinger. I’d have Clarke, Katich & Johnson doing their prep for the 3^rd test somewhere more suitable than in the 2^nd Test.

While laying into a woeful Australian side, the big question is, how much of this is down to England? Pretty much all of it I reckon. We are seeing one of the great England sides, at least of the modern era. Whilst a heck of a lot was made of the 2005 team, largely the same team went on to a 5-0 whitewash next time the sides met. This team might lack Flintoff, or the 2005 Pietersen, but they are a much better unit. My only gripe is that Collingwood bats ahead of Bell. I would possibly even say I’m surprised Collingwood is included ahead of Morgan, but Collingwood is more to this England team than just runs. At the moment I think Haddin would beat Prior into the England side and Hussey ahead of Collingwood. Could Ponting oust Strauss as captain or Trott at number 3? At the moment, I don’t think so. When was the last time 8 or 9 England players would walk into an Eng/Aus select XI?

I’ve also had the feeling for a while that England watchers aren’t quite aware of how good an opening pair they have in Strauss and Cook. Their big problem seems to be their lack of spectacularity(?), but their record and dogged consistency, which is coming to fruition in spectacular fashion at present augurs very well for the foreseeable future. With the rest of the batting line up falling into place (Collingwood issue aside), and Anderson & Swann finding top form in 2010 it seems like there is greatness ahead for the current England/Wales/Ireland/South African 2^nd XI test side (this might be read as derogatory, but it’s a fact and the team name should be changed at least to something more British, otherwise why not call them London, or Middlesex, or Westminster or MCC or something equally as untruthful).

Next week; I always said Australia would win back the Ashes at a canter!!!